- Roll footage Round 1, Jake Thrash v. Niki Blade. TH/HC 1-0 Thrash. -
Thrash: Stamps in, making a quick lunge with the short sword, testing her guard. Begins a slow shuffle about the ring, studying her stance and style.
Blade: His reach with the lunge is longer than her cut and she hisses out the impact with a sudden feral grin.
Chris: God, she is so HOT.
Peter: Focus, Chris.
Chris: I am not sorry. She's got curls and she smiles when she bleeds.
Peter: For those of you who don't know, all of Chris's previous ex-wives had curly hair.
Chris: I can't help it. It's like a disease.
Peter: Gotta give it to Thrash for going in hard here, though. A lot of duelists like to spend a few rounds getting to know an opponent and his or her technique, but Thrash is ready to put this one behind him and move on to round two.
Chris: Seriously. When Thrash comes down, it's like a nuclear bomb. With the radiation and the mutated roaches and everything.
- End footage Round 1 Roll footage, Round 2. SH/LC 1 All. -
Blade: She'd gone low for the sweep on the reverse and tosses the hair from her eyes with a nod back to Jake when they're back to circling.
Thrash: Shifts back, moving to intercept a straight attack, and leaves himself open for the reversing cut. Nods to Niki, glad that she's going to give him a fight.
Chris: Ah, ye olde classic bookend. I like the way Blade crooked her elbow there to throw Thrash off, though. That's some pretty wicked cunning.
Peter: It was a little more than that, I think. Thrash may have been trying a recovery deflect, but his blade just isn't long or light enough to be able to fend off an attack like that. Maybe he should graduate to a different weapon.
Chris: Jake "Juggernaut" Thrash' I don't think so. That one graduated years ago, summa cum laude.
Peter: I'm impressed you actually know what that means, Chris.
Chris: Yeah. It means with highest badassery.
- End footage Round 2. Roll footage, Round 3. TH/TH 2 All. -
Thrash: Stamps in, lunging with his sword again, satisfied with a quick trade of points.
Blade: Honey laugh, it's a caress - she comes to life in the rings, win or lose, and the dance goes on.
Peter: You weren't kidding when you said Thrash wasn't going to let down.
Chris: Have you ever seen X-men" When Juggernaut gains momentum he doesn't stop.
Peter: What're ex-men" Are those like conmen"
Chris: Are you serious" Wolverine" Cyclops" Nightcrawler"
Peter: Nope.
Chris: You need serious help.
Peter: I need help" You burst into tears every time someone says the word-
Chris: DON'T SAY IT.
Peter: All I'm saying is I'm not the one with problems here.
- End footage Round 3. Roll footage, Round 4. LC/SS 3-2 Thrash. -
Thrash: Stays on the offensive, moving in with a low sweeping cut to catch her before she can slip aside.
Blade: She'd taken the wrong direction on the sidestep and there's another hiss when his blade hits.
Peter: I'm interested to know why Blade is going on the defensive here, especially after she diffused her tell so beautifully in the second round.
Chris: Well you have to take into consideration that while her execution is very good, her recovery just isn't at the Juggernaut's level here.
Peter: That's not a nickname that's going to stick, Chris.
Chris: I got "The Tank" and McStabberson to stick. It'll stick.
Peter: As you said though - one of the unique things about Thrash is not in his approach, but in his reaction. However he starts things off, he's sure to keep on the rebound.
- End footage Round 4. Roll footage, Round 5. FSS/HC 3 All. -
Thrash: His turn to move too slowly to escape an attack. Chuckles wryly and nods to her again, resuming a slow steady shuffle about the ring
Blade: A laugh to match his as they move on, circling and considering her opponent.
Chris: There we go! It's about time Blade gives the Juggernaut a taste of her claws. Rawr.
Peter: Here is where we see the divergence in their techniques. Blade is monumentally fast - a fighting style that contributes most beneficially to constant offense.
Chris: But you've also got to realize that Juggernaut is probably thinking the same thing, and so by bearing down on her he is trying to corner her into nothing but blocks and parries.
Peter: Luckily she has enough lightning-quick perceptiveness to deny him that approach.
Chris: That, and deliciously distracting ASSets.
Peter: - Flatly. - Really, Chris"
Chris: What' I'm just complimenting her" uh' sword.
- End footage Round 5. Roll footage, Round 6. FCP/TH 4-3 Thrash. -
Thrash: Inward step, sweeping the sword around to deflect her attack, and then steps in again, giving her a light push with his empty hand for a countering attack.
Blade: She hadn't expected the bit of fancy trickery, and shakes it off with a grin and another toss of wild black curls.
Peter: While I'm wary to see Thrash gamble so late in the game, I will give him props for judging Blade's intentions so well.
Chris: Oh yeah. That little trickery she tried a few rounds ago isn't going to work twice, and she knows it. So by keeping things straightforward, Blade is trying to reverse the balance of the ring.
Peter: The balance of the ring"
Chris: Something you're taught about in, oh, the intermediate stages of your dueling career. It's all about imagining the dueling ring as a seesaw.
Peter: So you would theoretically always want to be higher than your opponent, wouldn't you?
Chris: Nope. Because the higher you go, the more you dominate, the more unstable your footing becomes. And you can't be too low or too neutral, either, because then you go nowhere and the score doesn't move at all. The point is you have to constantly shift things in your favor. By making aggressive strides forward or backward, you are disrupting the balance on your opponent's end of the seesaw and forcing them to compensate their footing or adjust their position to fight comfortably again. While they recover, you strike. I think that is what Juggernaut is doing here. By laying off the attacks, he is jarring Blade's technique.
Peter: I really don't like that nickname.
Chris: You just hate that you didn't come up with it first.
- End footage Round 6. Roll footage, Round 7. LC/HC 5-4 Thrash. -
Thrash: Sees the beginning of her attack, grins a little, stepping in with an answering cut, happy to trade blows. Takes the cut from her, stepping back, wiping away a little blood and nods to her.
Chris: See, here Blade refuses to alter her technique, which would really be a good thing, given how excellent a fighter she is. But after that jar from the last round, her footing was already too disrupted to be able to recover effectively.
Peter: At least it was an even trade, and a rather close match.
- Camera returns to the studio, where both are engaged in a frank discussion. -
Chris: If I said they were both winners, do you think I could get her number"
Peter: I would think that your track record with curly-headed women would deter you from dating any others.
Chris: If at first you don't succeed"
Peter: Try and try and try and try and try again?
Chris: You're just bitter because you're going to die alone.
Peter: - Glares at Chris. - Breadcrumbs. - Deadpan. -
- Chris's lip quivers. He hides his face in his hands. -
Peter: Well that about does it for us, folks! Remember to give us a shout if you would like to have your Madness match covered. Until next time, I'm Peter Pham!
- Chris wails and sobs bitterly. -
Peter: You stay sporty, RhyDin!
- End tape. -
