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Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane
Feast on This: A Mid-November Social Face-Stuffing! November 12, 2010
Long time no see, my favorites! Would you believe that we are just two months shy of a completely new year" By George, it never fails to amaze me that no matter how many catastrophically deleterious incidents may befall this towontinet* the world just keeps on turning as surely as Tass will lose his clothes or EmDoc will get engaged again. And how appropriate it is that November - a month notoriously designed for gluttons - is just as receptive to those food-fiends out there as it is to gossip hounds like myself and my merry bands of cohorts. Not even halfway through the month, I am already up to my eyeballs in news. I swear, that is the last time I go on vacation!
First off, I am soooo falling all over myself about this dream team that was drink-slinging on the fifth. Scotty, Harold, and Eless spent the early part of the evening having a high-larious conversation with a riot of a woman named Rook about the Red Dragon's stew. Apparently, Rook was a little confused by the allegations made against it by the Scot and hubby, given that many of them involved backlash from angry stew beatings. Then we heard that she's only been in RhyDin for about a month. Well bless her heart; she'll be figuring out in no time at all that absolutely everything in this town has the capacity and the inclination to develop eyeballs, teeth, and a malicious vendetta against Red Dragon Inn patrons. It was an awful shame the wonderful dream team will only last as long as Scotty's and Harold's training does, though. Any night with the two of them and Eless is a night in paradise.
On a side note! Word has it Eless and Tannie Bubbles (that's Taneth to the rest of you) make absolutely super cheerleaders, and continuously manage to charmingly keep Kalamere the topic of conversation both in and out of the dueling venues. In fact, I'm being told that they happen to be recruiting all over the place. Such an incident most notably occurred when Tannie Bubbles cornered O.M.G.-Where-Have-You-Been Ewan in (where else?) the RDI and provided him with a uniform to pass on to Storm. We hear even Rekah was considering joining up! Way to promote the duels, folks! And if this is how I get with the in-crowd, I will so pick up some pom-poms and root on Team Kally Boy in no time. Where do I sign up"
I swear to jeebus nobody eats well in this town. The night of the fifth Audrey waltzed her cute self up to the bar with a pillowcase full of candy and commenced gorging herself for at least an hour. Isn't that babe a little too old to be trick-or-treating" Or does she just make a habit of carrying around sacks full of carbs and fat' How do you people stay so thin" Honestly! Said candy and later cheesecake was passed around the place for the better part of the night following, in both dessert and mancandy form. And by mancandy, I am of course referring to the makes-my-teeth-ache pair of Ren and Ray, who honestly couldn't be better suited for one another. And best of all, this particular couple is just sweet enough not to give us here at the gossip column a stomach ache like some others coughSarahandNeocoughcough. What's their story' Anybody know" I'll send a basket of sugary carbs to the first person who gives it to me!
And speaking of food, for a dragon so insistent that she doesn't eat people, Vex sure spends an awful lot of time explaining how excellent they taste. Earlier this month Vex was overheard telling Princess Elle of Londontown (hey, we don't make up the names) that humans taste salty and beefy, but overall good with a little ketchup. Oh the jokes I could pull out of that statement. Unfortunately most of them aren't appropriate for our entire audience (stay in school, kids!) so I will be forced to replace the one in my head with one that is appropriately PG.
When does Vextirias leave the dinner table" Once everyone's eaten.
Ba-dum-TISH!
You know what taste I can't quite bring myself to appreciate, though' The one that mixes Poesy Sweet-thing and that handsome fellow that was all up in her grill on the seventh. Don't get me wrong; Poesy Sweet-thing is gorgeous, smart, voluptuous, and could probably have her pick of any dude in RhyDin, but my interns tell me that tall drink of water that she was overheard chatting with about books would probably seem more in his element studying his conversation partner in a laboratory. Just one of those things.
FLAME WATCH! This new pair of spitfires has me positively giddy, Rhypeople. Apparently some ridiculously buff and slightly O.K.-looking fellow named Leo (jealous" Me" Shame on you for thinking so!) has been spotted more than once in the company of a silver-tongued babe so perfect and dreamy it makes me want to look around and make sure Leonardo Dicaprio and Ken Watanabe aren't here trying to steal my secrets. While we haven't had an opportunity to catch the name of the she-component to this would-be dastardly duo, we have managed to do some proper spying and discovered that she might possibly have some history or connection with another beautiful wit named "Caro." And though my interns only caught snippets of a conversation between Got-Any-Workout-Tips Leo and his would-be companion, word has it the majority of it was spent talking about the conversation they happened to be having, and though full of snappy comebacks, was positively seething with sexual tension (or that's my opinion anyway). Stand back, folks, because when this thing gets some oxygen, it is going to EXPLODE!
Christmas came early this year when a certain someone got wedged in the Red Dragon's chimney Wednesday night. No, we're not talking about Santa Claus, folks. Not that it surprises us, but word has it Tara got herself stuck there somehow, and mommy Fio and little Lirissa spent the better part of the night trying to scream some advice up at her through the fireplace. Not that I'm an expert or anything, but I'm not sure that the best time to be lectured is when the hairs on your bottom are being burned off. Then again, I'm sure that mommy Fio is probably getting to be the foremost authority on' uh' authority. And we here at the G.C. have no doubt she is rocking that identity along with her maternal duties!
Have I mentioned how much we here love Riley' It's a love-hate relationship sometimes, but honestly when it boils down to it she and ex-Constable Hotstuff just have a special place in our hearts - especially when ridiculously inappropriate social behavior is involved. Apparently upon hearing about Colleen MacLeod's recent engagement to I-Am-Legally-and-Morally-Obligated-to-Withhold-His-Name, Riley seemed not at all pleased and promptly questioned Colleen's taste in men (we don't blame her. I give it a week). Though ex-Constable Hotstuff recovered for her and Riley managed to save some face (we'll say about one-fourth of it), I feel the need to point out that the whole interaction was high-larious, and that there is no point in getting flustered over acting rudely when there is no such thing as proper manners in RhyDin to begin with!
But despite the sometimes-absent manners of RhyDinians, heartwarming holiday feelings seem to already be thriving these days. My interns inform me that a precious thing named Katt was seen handing out some food or drugs or bombs or something out of the goodness of her heart a night or so ago and bad boy Jochin took it extraordinarily well. I'm told it even put an ear-to-ear grin on his face for the rest of the night, and he forwarded the kind sentiments to walking-goddess Samilee. Maybe a little humanity is possible! Then again, it's not often that actual humans are involved.
And what better way to conclude but by evaluating the gluttonous nature of RhyDinians, pointing fingers, and completely misconstruing situations based upon a third-party perspective" By this, of course, I mean' O.M.G. when did Van become a sexual predator"! In just one night my interns heard words about kidnapping, stalking, and various forms of assault, and all of it culminated in an abduction of some innocent conversation companion! Oh, the horror! Oh, the shame! Oh the fact that we have absolutely no idea what was going on there!
Ah, well. One of these days I'll invest in some industrial-strength, CIA-grade bugging devices. Anyone know where a good Radio Shack is around here"
That'll do it for now, RhyDin. Remember to eat your hearts out this month, and stay sassy!
*RhyDin's instantaneous I.Q. test** If you understand the connotations of this word in: Five minutes: You may be spending a little too much time killing brain cells at the RDI. Contrary to popular belief, nine is not a letter in the alphabet. Three minutes: You are not terribly dull, but you might consider picking up a dictionary from Tranquility Bookshop in the Zen Gardens. To those of you wishing to apply to a college for higher learning: a dictionary is a book that provides the spellings and meanings of various words in written form. And for those of you applying to Southern RhyDin University: a book is a collection of pages that have sounds miraculously drawn on them. Sixty seconds: You are bright enough to put in an application to Ravensheart on the off chance it will have a peaceful semester. Ten seconds: Your cybernetic implants may need a tune-up. They do not seem to be running at optimal capacity. Three seconds: Congratulations. You are obviously smart enough to realize that thinking is worthless, and instructed your personal assist bot to explain the word to you. We salute you, King of Sloth.
**We do not recommend using this test as an actual gauge of intelligence.
Feast on This: A Mid-November Social Face-Stuffing! November 12, 2010
Long time no see, my favorites! Would you believe that we are just two months shy of a completely new year" By George, it never fails to amaze me that no matter how many catastrophically deleterious incidents may befall this towontinet* the world just keeps on turning as surely as Tass will lose his clothes or EmDoc will get engaged again. And how appropriate it is that November - a month notoriously designed for gluttons - is just as receptive to those food-fiends out there as it is to gossip hounds like myself and my merry bands of cohorts. Not even halfway through the month, I am already up to my eyeballs in news. I swear, that is the last time I go on vacation!
First off, I am soooo falling all over myself about this dream team that was drink-slinging on the fifth. Scotty, Harold, and Eless spent the early part of the evening having a high-larious conversation with a riot of a woman named Rook about the Red Dragon's stew. Apparently, Rook was a little confused by the allegations made against it by the Scot and hubby, given that many of them involved backlash from angry stew beatings. Then we heard that she's only been in RhyDin for about a month. Well bless her heart; she'll be figuring out in no time at all that absolutely everything in this town has the capacity and the inclination to develop eyeballs, teeth, and a malicious vendetta against Red Dragon Inn patrons. It was an awful shame the wonderful dream team will only last as long as Scotty's and Harold's training does, though. Any night with the two of them and Eless is a night in paradise.
On a side note! Word has it Eless and Tannie Bubbles (that's Taneth to the rest of you) make absolutely super cheerleaders, and continuously manage to charmingly keep Kalamere the topic of conversation both in and out of the dueling venues. In fact, I'm being told that they happen to be recruiting all over the place. Such an incident most notably occurred when Tannie Bubbles cornered O.M.G.-Where-Have-You-Been Ewan in (where else?) the RDI and provided him with a uniform to pass on to Storm. We hear even Rekah was considering joining up! Way to promote the duels, folks! And if this is how I get with the in-crowd, I will so pick up some pom-poms and root on Team Kally Boy in no time. Where do I sign up"
I swear to jeebus nobody eats well in this town. The night of the fifth Audrey waltzed her cute self up to the bar with a pillowcase full of candy and commenced gorging herself for at least an hour. Isn't that babe a little too old to be trick-or-treating" Or does she just make a habit of carrying around sacks full of carbs and fat' How do you people stay so thin" Honestly! Said candy and later cheesecake was passed around the place for the better part of the night following, in both dessert and mancandy form. And by mancandy, I am of course referring to the makes-my-teeth-ache pair of Ren and Ray, who honestly couldn't be better suited for one another. And best of all, this particular couple is just sweet enough not to give us here at the gossip column a stomach ache like some others coughSarahandNeocoughcough. What's their story' Anybody know" I'll send a basket of sugary carbs to the first person who gives it to me!
And speaking of food, for a dragon so insistent that she doesn't eat people, Vex sure spends an awful lot of time explaining how excellent they taste. Earlier this month Vex was overheard telling Princess Elle of Londontown (hey, we don't make up the names) that humans taste salty and beefy, but overall good with a little ketchup. Oh the jokes I could pull out of that statement. Unfortunately most of them aren't appropriate for our entire audience (stay in school, kids!) so I will be forced to replace the one in my head with one that is appropriately PG.
When does Vextirias leave the dinner table" Once everyone's eaten.
Ba-dum-TISH!
You know what taste I can't quite bring myself to appreciate, though' The one that mixes Poesy Sweet-thing and that handsome fellow that was all up in her grill on the seventh. Don't get me wrong; Poesy Sweet-thing is gorgeous, smart, voluptuous, and could probably have her pick of any dude in RhyDin, but my interns tell me that tall drink of water that she was overheard chatting with about books would probably seem more in his element studying his conversation partner in a laboratory. Just one of those things.
FLAME WATCH! This new pair of spitfires has me positively giddy, Rhypeople. Apparently some ridiculously buff and slightly O.K.-looking fellow named Leo (jealous" Me" Shame on you for thinking so!) has been spotted more than once in the company of a silver-tongued babe so perfect and dreamy it makes me want to look around and make sure Leonardo Dicaprio and Ken Watanabe aren't here trying to steal my secrets. While we haven't had an opportunity to catch the name of the she-component to this would-be dastardly duo, we have managed to do some proper spying and discovered that she might possibly have some history or connection with another beautiful wit named "Caro." And though my interns only caught snippets of a conversation between Got-Any-Workout-Tips Leo and his would-be companion, word has it the majority of it was spent talking about the conversation they happened to be having, and though full of snappy comebacks, was positively seething with sexual tension (or that's my opinion anyway). Stand back, folks, because when this thing gets some oxygen, it is going to EXPLODE!
Christmas came early this year when a certain someone got wedged in the Red Dragon's chimney Wednesday night. No, we're not talking about Santa Claus, folks. Not that it surprises us, but word has it Tara got herself stuck there somehow, and mommy Fio and little Lirissa spent the better part of the night trying to scream some advice up at her through the fireplace. Not that I'm an expert or anything, but I'm not sure that the best time to be lectured is when the hairs on your bottom are being burned off. Then again, I'm sure that mommy Fio is probably getting to be the foremost authority on' uh' authority. And we here at the G.C. have no doubt she is rocking that identity along with her maternal duties!
Have I mentioned how much we here love Riley' It's a love-hate relationship sometimes, but honestly when it boils down to it she and ex-Constable Hotstuff just have a special place in our hearts - especially when ridiculously inappropriate social behavior is involved. Apparently upon hearing about Colleen MacLeod's recent engagement to I-Am-Legally-and-Morally-Obligated-to-Withhold-His-Name, Riley seemed not at all pleased and promptly questioned Colleen's taste in men (we don't blame her. I give it a week). Though ex-Constable Hotstuff recovered for her and Riley managed to save some face (we'll say about one-fourth of it), I feel the need to point out that the whole interaction was high-larious, and that there is no point in getting flustered over acting rudely when there is no such thing as proper manners in RhyDin to begin with!
But despite the sometimes-absent manners of RhyDinians, heartwarming holiday feelings seem to already be thriving these days. My interns inform me that a precious thing named Katt was seen handing out some food or drugs or bombs or something out of the goodness of her heart a night or so ago and bad boy Jochin took it extraordinarily well. I'm told it even put an ear-to-ear grin on his face for the rest of the night, and he forwarded the kind sentiments to walking-goddess Samilee. Maybe a little humanity is possible! Then again, it's not often that actual humans are involved.
And what better way to conclude but by evaluating the gluttonous nature of RhyDinians, pointing fingers, and completely misconstruing situations based upon a third-party perspective" By this, of course, I mean' O.M.G. when did Van become a sexual predator"! In just one night my interns heard words about kidnapping, stalking, and various forms of assault, and all of it culminated in an abduction of some innocent conversation companion! Oh, the horror! Oh, the shame! Oh the fact that we have absolutely no idea what was going on there!
Ah, well. One of these days I'll invest in some industrial-strength, CIA-grade bugging devices. Anyone know where a good Radio Shack is around here"
That'll do it for now, RhyDin. Remember to eat your hearts out this month, and stay sassy!
*RhyDin's instantaneous I.Q. test** If you understand the connotations of this word in: Five minutes: You may be spending a little too much time killing brain cells at the RDI. Contrary to popular belief, nine is not a letter in the alphabet. Three minutes: You are not terribly dull, but you might consider picking up a dictionary from Tranquility Bookshop in the Zen Gardens. To those of you wishing to apply to a college for higher learning: a dictionary is a book that provides the spellings and meanings of various words in written form. And for those of you applying to Southern RhyDin University: a book is a collection of pages that have sounds miraculously drawn on them. Sixty seconds: You are bright enough to put in an application to Ravensheart on the off chance it will have a peaceful semester. Ten seconds: Your cybernetic implants may need a tune-up. They do not seem to be running at optimal capacity. Three seconds: Congratulations. You are obviously smart enough to realize that thinking is worthless, and instructed your personal assist bot to explain the word to you. We salute you, King of Sloth.
**We do not recommend using this test as an actual gauge of intelligence.