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Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane
So Long, 2010: How We Ended the Year January 5, 2010
Wow. You people sure know how to end the year with a bang, don't you? And by a bang, I am of course referring to hilarity, humiliation, and hotness. Hopefully not in that order.
Our humiliation slash hilarity, of course, starts off with EmDoc going into labor at the Red Dragon Inn. Now don't get me wrong. There is nothing humiliating about the birth process, as I'm sure it's a wonderful and enlightening thing filled with pain and screaming and eventually a darling little angel (or angels). But you people cannot deny that going into labor and/or giving birth at a tavern kind of reeks stereotypical in RhyDin - a word I am proud to say that is not in EmDoc's vocabulary. Thankfully Triple A hauled their Triple-A.'s right on out of there before things got exceptionally chaotic, but I just have one question to ask. Were those contractions or was that indigestion' Feeling the pangs of twins can not be comfortable, and still this broad gutted it out (no pun intended) in silence like a scientologist or something. Maybe being punched relentlessly in the Outback finally paid off"
That isn't the end of the drama for our Triple-now-Quintuple-A family, though. Word has it not a day after their birth announcements were published in our paper Antonio's very absent and very YOUNG son from his first marriage showed up at the Red Dragon Inn in the middle of the night, unsupervised. Um. Wow. I honestly don't know what his mother was thinking letting him out to wander the streets of RhyDin alone, but maybe it starts with a "g"-and-rhymes-with-lilting her ex-husband. While I will say that Mancake's son is one cute, cute kid, I really don't like the idea of anyone under the age of fifteen out and about after dark without a guardian present. RhyDin is a dangerous, dangerous place. I don't care how much you randomly feel like seeing your other parent.
But estranged children and first-families weren't the only ones making comebacks before the new year. Apparently "Just Rhae" (who is apparently doing no banging of any kind whatsoever) was spotted chatting with none other than BAKER! There is a face I haven't seen in a while, and now that it's back it looks like I'm going to have to start up therapy again. Apparently "Just Rhae" was overheard defending Baker's blunt ways after he left. Uh. Wow. I have to give her credit for being an adult in the situation, but I'm willing to bet Baker doesn't do the things he does because he's looking to make B.F.F.'s. Then again, maybe he has a soft, squishy side I don't know about yet. I've heard liver failure does that to some people.
Queen of comebacks Gem was spotted near the end of the year with some nice looking fellow whose name I'm sorry to say we didn't quite catch, saying something about taking shots. Well" I can think of three meanings for that word, and I honestly hope she wasn't talking about medicine or bullets. If such is the case, though, is it just me, or is Gem a total bad-A." I mean she really is a pretty awesome person for someone who is pint-sized. And apparently things are looking up for her this year, as this guy she was spotted with calls her "Beautiful." (No, I'm not being smart by putting the word in quotations - that's his actual endearment for her.) Aw. She sure rang in the new year with a bang, anyway, as some serious partying was being had on her end with booze and her apparent friend, Little Miss Sunshine (a.k.a. Pearl). Yes, I was actually being smart then.
Oh mah gawd are Quinn and Gabriel even capable of keeping up an adult conversation' Sources tell me what initially started out as Gabe being full of himself and showing off some of his hexalingual skills culminated in a discussion about getting laid. Really' Really, kids" That had the potential to be an interesting topic, but it is certainly clear to me exactly where Quinn's head is at - right there in the gutter with that hippie, Gabriel's (GET A HAIRCUT!) And Mack, darling" Don't encourage them!
It seems RhyDin's sexiest woman found LOVE folks! I don't know WHEN this happened, but it seems like one day Eless was spending her time making rounds of the Inn as a dazzling bachelorette and then the next day she was a heartbeat away from eloping with that other guy, Michael. Now I'm not making any suggestions, so for the love of all things don't you two go and do something crazy (although to be honest, crazy is kind of in Eless's nature these days). But what is the deal with this guy' We hardly know much about him except that he's generally pretty good-looking, very polite, and from what a few lady RhyDinians have told me, siiiiiiigh soooooo chaaaaaarming. Gag. I'll keep an open mind since Eless seems to like him, but I tend to be of the opinion that RhyDin's sexiest woman needs a good, strong man to be able to really rely upon. And in my experience, the really charming ones are either annoyingly sensitive (the kinds that cry during Titanic and 101 Dalmatians) or total players who only want to watch the view as a woman walks away. You know" charmers like Marek. Incredibly engaging, outwardly very awesome guys, but retaining a bit of that suspicion. I really hope to be proven wrong, but so help him if I'm not because I've got a tire iron right where I can get at it!
Although' is it just me, or does Kally Boy (an endearment created by Tanniebubbles that I am totally going to have to adopt) seem a little" civil with Eless and Michael" I mean there's a difference between being civil and being friendly, and Kally Boy has just seemed civil lately. I wonder what is going on with him. I do hope it's nothing serious.
On a random side note, I have a question for everyone. You businessy people can erect fifteen magical paraphernalia stores on the same block in New Haven, but you can't build a Starbucks or something for the poor students from the IAP to study in" I swear if I see one more of those kids whip out a textbook in a BAR I'm going to go back to Earth and kidnap Harold Schultz myself. I get that you all are college-aged (ish), but a tavern is NOT an environment that is conducive to studying, kids! Then again, for all I know they could just be using "studying" as an excuse for getting busy in the RDI booths. MAN I need to pay a visit to the Institute and get the low-down on that scandal.
Also: Answer me this. What is going on between wallflower Alec and Aja" I know we don't normally focus on either of these two, but they are getting waaaaay too close not to notice anymore. Sources tell me there have also been snide comments leaving Alec's mouth that seem to suggest his wife is not only a cheat, but a control freak as well. Well I know we didn't like her to begin with, but wow. Aja seems like just the kind of woman Alec needs, though. Those two should do some serious breaking up and get with the program!
Apparently programs need to be handed out! I don't know what the haps is with Z'ev and Lilliana, but it just feels to me like their relationship has lost that ZING factor. Yeah, they're reportedly in the cuddle slash comfortable phase - and that's all fine and dandy - but I miss the pizzazz! It seems like comfort is siphoning out all of Lilli's boundless energy and I simply will not have it! Those two need some danger or a getaway vacation (or speed) to really rev things up. But that's just one guy's opinion.
Cuyler and this year's Hardest to Get Emlyn have been seen lately in an on-again-off-again kind of basis. Well if that isn't an odd pairing. Since when was Emlyn inducted into soon-to-be RhyTube sensation Cuyler's merry band of misfits" Sources tell me they were spotted late December doing one of two things: either they were making some kind of shady business deal, or they were exchanging chicken potpie recipes. Honestly neither would surprise me, but here I used to think Emlyn was all fluffy pillow stuffing (with squishy parts in there somewhere, I'm sure). Maybe she has a side to her she hasn't shown us yet, or Cuyler has thoroughly corrupted the woman - both completely plausible possibilities!
So Long, 2010: How We Ended the Year January 5, 2010
Wow. You people sure know how to end the year with a bang, don't you? And by a bang, I am of course referring to hilarity, humiliation, and hotness. Hopefully not in that order.
Our humiliation slash hilarity, of course, starts off with EmDoc going into labor at the Red Dragon Inn. Now don't get me wrong. There is nothing humiliating about the birth process, as I'm sure it's a wonderful and enlightening thing filled with pain and screaming and eventually a darling little angel (or angels). But you people cannot deny that going into labor and/or giving birth at a tavern kind of reeks stereotypical in RhyDin - a word I am proud to say that is not in EmDoc's vocabulary. Thankfully Triple A hauled their Triple-A.'s right on out of there before things got exceptionally chaotic, but I just have one question to ask. Were those contractions or was that indigestion' Feeling the pangs of twins can not be comfortable, and still this broad gutted it out (no pun intended) in silence like a scientologist or something. Maybe being punched relentlessly in the Outback finally paid off"
That isn't the end of the drama for our Triple-now-Quintuple-A family, though. Word has it not a day after their birth announcements were published in our paper Antonio's very absent and very YOUNG son from his first marriage showed up at the Red Dragon Inn in the middle of the night, unsupervised. Um. Wow. I honestly don't know what his mother was thinking letting him out to wander the streets of RhyDin alone, but maybe it starts with a "g"-and-rhymes-with-lilting her ex-husband. While I will say that Mancake's son is one cute, cute kid, I really don't like the idea of anyone under the age of fifteen out and about after dark without a guardian present. RhyDin is a dangerous, dangerous place. I don't care how much you randomly feel like seeing your other parent.
But estranged children and first-families weren't the only ones making comebacks before the new year. Apparently "Just Rhae" (who is apparently doing no banging of any kind whatsoever) was spotted chatting with none other than BAKER! There is a face I haven't seen in a while, and now that it's back it looks like I'm going to have to start up therapy again. Apparently "Just Rhae" was overheard defending Baker's blunt ways after he left. Uh. Wow. I have to give her credit for being an adult in the situation, but I'm willing to bet Baker doesn't do the things he does because he's looking to make B.F.F.'s. Then again, maybe he has a soft, squishy side I don't know about yet. I've heard liver failure does that to some people.
Queen of comebacks Gem was spotted near the end of the year with some nice looking fellow whose name I'm sorry to say we didn't quite catch, saying something about taking shots. Well" I can think of three meanings for that word, and I honestly hope she wasn't talking about medicine or bullets. If such is the case, though, is it just me, or is Gem a total bad-A." I mean she really is a pretty awesome person for someone who is pint-sized. And apparently things are looking up for her this year, as this guy she was spotted with calls her "Beautiful." (No, I'm not being smart by putting the word in quotations - that's his actual endearment for her.) Aw. She sure rang in the new year with a bang, anyway, as some serious partying was being had on her end with booze and her apparent friend, Little Miss Sunshine (a.k.a. Pearl). Yes, I was actually being smart then.
Oh mah gawd are Quinn and Gabriel even capable of keeping up an adult conversation' Sources tell me what initially started out as Gabe being full of himself and showing off some of his hexalingual skills culminated in a discussion about getting laid. Really' Really, kids" That had the potential to be an interesting topic, but it is certainly clear to me exactly where Quinn's head is at - right there in the gutter with that hippie, Gabriel's (GET A HAIRCUT!) And Mack, darling" Don't encourage them!
It seems RhyDin's sexiest woman found LOVE folks! I don't know WHEN this happened, but it seems like one day Eless was spending her time making rounds of the Inn as a dazzling bachelorette and then the next day she was a heartbeat away from eloping with that other guy, Michael. Now I'm not making any suggestions, so for the love of all things don't you two go and do something crazy (although to be honest, crazy is kind of in Eless's nature these days). But what is the deal with this guy' We hardly know much about him except that he's generally pretty good-looking, very polite, and from what a few lady RhyDinians have told me, siiiiiiigh soooooo chaaaaaarming. Gag. I'll keep an open mind since Eless seems to like him, but I tend to be of the opinion that RhyDin's sexiest woman needs a good, strong man to be able to really rely upon. And in my experience, the really charming ones are either annoyingly sensitive (the kinds that cry during Titanic and 101 Dalmatians) or total players who only want to watch the view as a woman walks away. You know" charmers like Marek. Incredibly engaging, outwardly very awesome guys, but retaining a bit of that suspicion. I really hope to be proven wrong, but so help him if I'm not because I've got a tire iron right where I can get at it!
Although' is it just me, or does Kally Boy (an endearment created by Tanniebubbles that I am totally going to have to adopt) seem a little" civil with Eless and Michael" I mean there's a difference between being civil and being friendly, and Kally Boy has just seemed civil lately. I wonder what is going on with him. I do hope it's nothing serious.
On a random side note, I have a question for everyone. You businessy people can erect fifteen magical paraphernalia stores on the same block in New Haven, but you can't build a Starbucks or something for the poor students from the IAP to study in" I swear if I see one more of those kids whip out a textbook in a BAR I'm going to go back to Earth and kidnap Harold Schultz myself. I get that you all are college-aged (ish), but a tavern is NOT an environment that is conducive to studying, kids! Then again, for all I know they could just be using "studying" as an excuse for getting busy in the RDI booths. MAN I need to pay a visit to the Institute and get the low-down on that scandal.
Also: Answer me this. What is going on between wallflower Alec and Aja" I know we don't normally focus on either of these two, but they are getting waaaaay too close not to notice anymore. Sources tell me there have also been snide comments leaving Alec's mouth that seem to suggest his wife is not only a cheat, but a control freak as well. Well I know we didn't like her to begin with, but wow. Aja seems like just the kind of woman Alec needs, though. Those two should do some serious breaking up and get with the program!
Apparently programs need to be handed out! I don't know what the haps is with Z'ev and Lilliana, but it just feels to me like their relationship has lost that ZING factor. Yeah, they're reportedly in the cuddle slash comfortable phase - and that's all fine and dandy - but I miss the pizzazz! It seems like comfort is siphoning out all of Lilli's boundless energy and I simply will not have it! Those two need some danger or a getaway vacation (or speed) to really rev things up. But that's just one guy's opinion.
Cuyler and this year's Hardest to Get Emlyn have been seen lately in an on-again-off-again kind of basis. Well if that isn't an odd pairing. Since when was Emlyn inducted into soon-to-be RhyTube sensation Cuyler's merry band of misfits" Sources tell me they were spotted late December doing one of two things: either they were making some kind of shady business deal, or they were exchanging chicken potpie recipes. Honestly neither would surprise me, but here I used to think Emlyn was all fluffy pillow stuffing (with squishy parts in there somewhere, I'm sure). Maybe she has a side to her she hasn't shown us yet, or Cuyler has thoroughly corrupted the woman - both completely plausible possibilities!