Topic: Warlord Tournament: January 16

Darien Fenner

Date: 2011-01-24 17:13 EST
RhyDin Sports

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/57423440.jpg Sports Columnist: Peter Pham

Warlord Tournament: January 16 January 24, 2011

Attention RhyDin:

Recorded copies of the Swords match between Rhiannon Harker and Evan Rush Rynth are now available for purchase at the RhyDin Post for eight dollars or five copper. Please make check or money orders payable to the Post, and include your name and mailing address on the request form. Footage is available in dvd or holodisk form, and includes commentary by everyone's favorite Sports Guy Peter Pham, a guest, and retired dueler Chris Reed. Shipping and handling fees not included in price of purchase.

Darien Fenner

Date: 2011-01-24 17:23 EST
- The RhyDin Post's black and gold logo flashes with an epic, orchestrated introduction theme. The logo spirals off the screen, and displays a brand new, renovated high-tech news studio with several flat screen television sets, projected RhyDin Post Sports hologram images, and in-action moving images of famous dueling legends projected on a few walls. At the bottom of a modern, massive, glass-covered black granite and mahogany desk are scrolling digital scores from the latest matches in the Outback, Arena, Twilight Isle and Annex. Two men sit behind the desk. To the left (Peter Pham) is in his early thirties, of Asian ethnicity, has gelled black hair, and is in a black suit. To the right (Chris Reed) is of Caucasian ethnicity with dark brown hair, is in his late thirties, is wearing a navy suit, and has a vertical scar running down one side of his face. Both men, equipped with headsets, smile at the camera. -

Peter: How's it going, RhyDin" I'm Peter Pham, sports columnist!

Chris: And I'm Chris Reed, and if I avoid your calls, it's just because I don't like you.

Peter: Thanks for tuning in with us tonight! I tell you what, RhyDin, it's been a while since we've seen some fresh faces for our Warlord Tournaments"

Chris: Let me stop you right there, Pete. Did you even look at the roster" These are all faces we've seen before.

Peter: I didn't say they were new faces. I said they were fresh ones.

Chris: Like these doughnuts. - Pulls out a box of thirty-six assorted doughnuts and pastries. - Fresh and sugary and delicious.

Peter: Oh, jeez. Who in their right mind gave you doughnuts"

Chris: Some dude named Mike. I can't help it if I attract members of the opposite sex. I'm just that sexy.

Peter: Mike" Seriously' What does it say"

Chris: - Reads a post-it attached to the top of the box. - "With love, Mike."

Peter: - Takes the post-it and reads it. - Chris, those are mine.

Chris: Wow, really' O.K., Pete. Look. I'm glad you came out to me first. Truthfully, I've known about it for a long time.

Peter: This doesn't say "Mike." It says "Mika." Mika is a woman I'm seeing.

Chris: I get it, man. Role-playing. It's cool. I'm down with the rainbow.

Peter: No, Chris. Mika is a woman. Female.

Chris: Dude, really. You don't have to explain yourself to me. I am totally not judging.

Peter: Give me back my doughnuts.

Chris: Hey! They were in my dressing room! - Shoves a bear claw into his mouth. -

Peter: They were not in your dressing room, they were in mine. Just because you watch television in my dressing room does not make it yours.

Chris: Well my dressing room has windows, you know. I can't watch T.V. comfortably in there. - Devours two cake doughnuts at once. -

Peter: " What do windows have to do with watching television"

Chris: You know" Uh' Fishing programs. I don't want people to see me watching fishing programs. It's very private.

Peter: - Cautiously suspicious. - Do I want to know?"

Chris: Stop stalling and read the announcements, Pete! Sheesh!

Peter: - Relieved for the change of subject. - Right! The announcements. Let's get those out of the way before we launch headfirst into this past Warlord Tournament.

Chris: Righty-o, Rhy-Di-O's. First things first, we have a new Archmage! And he is none other than - Lowers his voice to sound menacing. - Xanth Van Bokkelen!

Peter: That's correct. The Duel of Magic revisited a match between Van Bokkelen and Mur Ollavan, but this time Van Bokkelen came out on top. Congratulations, Archmage Van Bokkelen, and well reigned Mur!

Chris: Next, from the Fists desk" we have nothing. Absolutely nothing. No challenges what. So. Ever. RhyDin" This is atrocious.

Peter: That's not entirely true, Chris. We do have a request from the Outback to promote the Diamond Quest that'll be coming up on January thirtieth. So make sure to get your registrations in before then!

Chris: Yeah, yeah. Diamond Quest, blah, blah. But seriously folks! Don't let those Opals sit comfortably on their arses! Get in there and show them that complacency blows! I will pay someone to challenge if I have to.

Peter: And lastly from the Swords desk, we have a few defenses. Evan Rush Rynth recently challenged Baroness Britania Grey for Old Market. The two met January twelfth for a single match, and Grey came out on top.

Chris: You mean Grey slaughtered Err.

Peter: Uh' Err"

Chris: I've decided his name is too long, so from here on out he is Err. Kind of cool when you think about it, actually. That nickname would make for some awesome promotional posters. - Gestures in the air to imply word placement. - "ERR on the side of AWESOME!" " Or something.

Peter: Riiiiiiight. Also, the Dragon's Gate challenge by Guaire Bryne against Baron Eternity took place just last night. In a best-of-three, the Baron managed to keep his title. Congratulations, Baron! And well tried, Bryne!

Chris: That's a matter of opinion.

Peter: But back to the Warlord Tournament! This particular tournament ended up being whittled down to just two fighters -

Chris: - Interrupting. - As opposed to what? Three" - Devours an enormous apple fritter. -

Peter: You do know those are going to go straight to your <BLEEP>.

Chris: Wowee! Lookie here, folks! Our good friend Pete finally has a crack in that ice-cold, humorless exterior of his. Is this all Mike's doing"

Peter: It's Mika. With an A. Mi-kah.

Chris: I get it. He's unique and stuff.

Peter: Just roll the footage. Rhiannon Harker versus Evan Rush Rynth.

Darien Fenner

Date: 2011-01-24 17:29 EST
- Roll footage Round 1. FSS/HC. 1-0 Harker. -

Harker: She started with a high cut this time around and Evan wasn't fast enough to get out of her way.

Rynth: Darts out of the way and finds himself left with a headache instead. Steps back.

Chris: Wowee! That's one heck of a way to start a duel! And it's interesting that Err didn't pick up on it, because Harker is notorious for her upwards swing.

Peter: What makes you say that"

Chris: I did some research and found a bunch of old footage of her competing. She attempts that move on quite a regular basis, and even more regularly executes it.

Peter: You did research on one of our fighters" I'm astounded, Chris.

Chris: It helps that she's hot.

- End footage Round 1. Roll footage Round 2. FCP/TH. 1 All. -

Harker: She stepped back quickly and found Evan defending against her thrust.

Rynth: Grins and drops back into a defense, knocking the blade aside.

Chris: OHMYGOD. This is why I love old school matches so much. I mean technically it's not an old school match, per se, but we've got some relatively old school players. Relatively. Somewhat. Sort of. Anyway! 'Member how I said that Harker has a tendency to use that one move repetitively' Well Err has been around long enough to read right into what he perceives is a predictable move combination. And that's exactly what that was. First thing you learn in dueling is your typical offensive maneuvers - the upper and lower cuts, and your thrusts. What Harker did right there is act out a move combination that may as well have been right out of a textbook.

Peter: Beautiful parry on his part, though I am a little disappointed that he didn't take advantage of that opening to get a hit or two in. See right here" - A white arrow is drawn onto a frozen frame of the round pointing to Rhiannon's ribs. - He could have gotten right in there with a hard blow and made her vulnerable for a few rounds.

Chris: - His voice is becoming rushed and jittery. - Would you say then that he made an ERRor" - Hysterical laughter. -

- End footage Round 2. Roll footage, Round 3. LC/HC 2 All. -

Rynth: Trades blows, his blade coming in at a low angle towards her foot.

Harker: She kept her blade up and turned the flat toward Evan's shoulder, as his blade stung when it connected.

Chris: WOMAN! Get a new move! Jeez-don't-you-think-he-can-tell-what-you're-going-to-do-by-now" - All one word. -

Peter: Chris, it was perfectly legitimate. Rynth exposed his shoulder when he dropped for a lower attack. I will say how impressed I am that Harker managed to land that blow, though - especially given the distance that Rynth has to keep because of the size of his sword.

Chris: You think he's compensating for something" - Sounds of muffled eating. -

Peter: How many of those have you had"

Chris: - Making an excited trilling noise, then sings his response in operetta. - I lost count after nine" nine" NIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!

- End footage Round 3. Roll footage, Rounds 4 and 5. FSS/FSS 2 All; FCP/HC 3-2 Harker. -

Harker: She went high again for Evan's shoulder and right over his parry.

Rynth: Drops back to parry away nothing since the blade he aimed for was out of reach.

Chris: OHMYGOD do I have to say it AGAIN"!

Peter: I find it staggering that, in all your vast dueling experience, you are condemning a fighter for using a move that works.

Chris: - His voice has reached peak velocity. - All's I'm saying is just change it up a little bit! And DUDE! You know better than walking right into her trap! C'mon! That was an ERRatically ERRoneous ERRand!

Peter: You should really stop eating those doughnuts, Chris. You are going to crash in about five seconds.

Chris: I already finished them.

Peter: Really' I wouldn't have guessed.

Chris: I feel like running a marathon. - Jittery. - Does anyone feel like running a marathon"

- End footage Round 5. Roll footage, Round 6. SH/LC 4-2 Harker. -

Harker: She bookended the cut and went low this time for Evan's ankles. She dodged a wicked slash in the process!

Rynth: Goes to find a bookend instead of what he expected, paying for the blow.

Peter: What a beautiful way to exploit that opening created by Rynth. Can we have another look at that, Andrew"

- Slow-motion, action replay of Round 6. -

Peter: I really admire such a bold tactic on Harker's part here. There's an excellent chance when you attempt a bookend like this that your opponent will take advantage of it and get your swordhand in the process. But Harker's execution was quick, sharp, and precise.

Chris: Textbook, textbook, textbook. Yeah, she's good, yeah it works, but come ON. Surprise me!

Peter: I am plenty surprised with Rynth's technique, though. He is usually much more put together in terms of defense.

Chris: Want me to set you up with him so you can ask"

Peter: Oh for the love of? MI-KAH!

Chris: I get it. You're all about being a one man' uh' man.

- End footage Round 6. Roll footage, Round 7. HC/FSS 4-3 Harker. -

Harker: She tipped her head and studied him a moment before resetting her stance.

Rynth: Goes for the hit, taking a chance at that, and finds Rhia in the process with his longsword.

Peter: Wow. I continue to be surprised with Rynth's technique. His sudden offensive shift can mean one of two things: Either he's spent the past six rounds toying with his opponent to throw her off, or he's getting impatient and is fitting in everything he possibly can before the game is up.

Chris: - Tiredly. - Woo' Revenge" It's inERRant.

Peter: The word you're looking for is "inherent."

Chris: Shut up.

Peter: Doing alright there, Chris" You're looking a little green.

Chris: I'd be better if I had a better aim at your shoes.

- End footage Round 7. Roll footage, Round 8. TH/FCP 5-3 Harker. -

Rynth: Tries to find an opening but is shut out of that by a well-placed parry.

Harker: She spun Tempest downward to deny Evan from gaining more ground.

Peter: Speaking of changing things up, though. What a brilliant way this duel turned out - that both fighters shifted tactics at the very end of the duel. Although I wouldn't call it merely fortuitous on Harker's end, as it seemed to me like she knew exactly what she was doing during this duel.

- Camera returns to the studio, where Chris has passed out at the desk. -

Peter: Truly a wonderful fight! I would also like to take this opportunity to congratulate not just Harker, but everyone who participated in the Warlord Tournament. It was truly an excellent turnout with thick and interesting history there. - Ends his statement with a sharp elbow at Chris. -

Chris: - Awakening, startled. - Of COURSE they're real! I mean' hi.

Peter: Chris, do you have anything more to add"

Chris: Only that I am thoroughly digging the trash talk going down all over the bulletins. And that people aren't wearing enough hats.

Peter: Well then! That'll do it for us at the Sports Center. As always, I'm Peter Pham!

Chris: And I'm hungry.

Peter: You stay sporty, RhyDin!

- Blackout. Dialogue continues. -

Peter: You're hungry' Seriously'

Chris: I could eat.

Peter: Alright. Well I was going to grab a bite and a drink at Great Helms. You're welcome to come with.

Chris: Jesus, Pete! After all Mike has done for you, you're hitting on me"! - Thump. - OW!

Peter: That is me hitting on you. So are you coming or not?

Chris: Fine, but let's stop by Divine Delights before we head over. I could go for doughnuts.

- End tape. -