I went down to the Remembrance Day wall early in the morning that Wednesday, just as the sun was starting to poke its head over the eastern horizon. I went early in part because I knew there would not be time during the work day to sneak out and visit, but I also went early because I did not want to see anybody there. I was not sure how I would react, with my fallen family in the forefront of my thoughts. Would I weep uncontrollably, the sobs wracking my body and my eyes burning red with tears" Or would I rage at Those who took them away from me, my anger a flame with no target but the wall itself" If my emotions were to erupt to the surface, better for me to be alone than a crowd of strangers, each of them grieving or remembering in their own way.
Unfortunately, when I finally made the trip over to the Rhydin Town Hall, I was not alone. There was a tall, thin elf in beat-up leather armor already standing in front of the wall. I stared at his back, wondering if I should just turn around and head over to work early. I thought it over for a moment, then, with a sigh, I approached the wall myself.
He did not turn to look at me as I stepped forward, his attention rapt on a heraldic shield that had already been hung from the stone. The diamond-shaped coat of arms had a midnight blue background. A quartet of gold crucifix-shaped stars originated (or did they terminate") from the diamond's points. Cutting across the rest of the shield was an X made out of five and six-pointed stars — the six-pointed stars were on the edges of the coat of arms, while the five-pointed stars were in the center. With his attention firmly on the escutcheon, I was able to look him over without him noticing. Up close, I could see how old and weathered he really was. A good chunk of his left ear had been torn off — or sliced off. It was difficult to tell what sort of blade or teeth might have left the jagged scars on what remained of his earlobe. A long, red, angry line traced a path down his right cheek, from his temple to the middle of his jaw. Elsewhere, his skin was wrinkled and creased, his hair shoulder-length, straight, and gray. I could not help but let my jaw drop some. I am well aware that many elves live hundreds, if not thousands, of years longer than humans, but I could not even begin to imagine how long this man had lived to actually look as old as an elderly human.
I must have stared at him too long, because eventually he turned towards me, catching me in the act of gaping. I could feel my cheeks heat up in embarrassment, but instead of scowling or scolding me, he just smiled, and I could feel my heart ache. He reminds me so much of Fletcher. "You're here awfully early," he said to me in a quiet, silvery baritone.
"Yes, well...I have work early, and I will likely not be able to get out until much later in the day?"
"When it'll be busier." He finished my sentence with another smile, this one smaller and more sympathetic.
"Yes."
"I get it. Who're you here for?"
"That's?" I probably should not have been so surprised by it, but the speed with which he moved from simple pleasantries towards the complexity of grief threw me off.
"Personal" Private?" He began attempting to fill in the blanks I had left when I trailed off, but I shook my head at each of his suggestions.
"It is not that, it is...I do not know. Complicated?" I cocked my head at him, curious what his reaction would be.
"Mourning is. And it never really goes away, that feeling. That sadness. Trust me, I should know." Yet again, he smiled, but this time, sadness etched its way across his features.
"...Tell me who you are here for?" I tossed the question out there, tentative, hesitant.
"My old adventuring party," he replied, with a laugh and a shrug. "Well, one of them. I've lost track of how many I've been a part of, even in the centuries before you were born. But this was the one I spent the most time with. Thirty years, I think" Maybe forty. One of the few groups I joined where we all made it to old age without a single one of us dying in the field. We don't really have a retirement home, us dungeon crawlers. Things usually end for us six feet under, or disintegrated by dragon's breath, or exiled to some godforsaken hell dimension, or...you get the picture."
"But they died?" I furrowed my brow, as I tried to follow his story.
"Of old age. Some older than others, but all having lived long, fulfilling lives. Marrying, having children, their children having children, etc. etc. I see some of their descendents, once in a great while, but it's not the same. I'm just some legend passed down to them for a couple hundred years, not a person." He shrugged again. "It's bittersweet, you know?"
"I'm sorry?" I still was not following him completely.
"Living as long as I have. I was warned by my parents when I left my village, "You will find nothing but misery and pain in the world of the humans." But it's all been worth it. The pain. I've had more friends than I could possibly count, even if you gave me another lifetime to do so. If the price of that is mourning more than any of the elves from home, I'd still say it's worth it. I'd do it all over again."
I nodded to him, then inched closer to the wall, reaching into my pocket for the reason I was here. I had gone to a WestEnd drug store that still developed camera film, and gave them some negatives I had from the old days to reprint. I had one of those photographs in hand now, and tried my best to wedge it in between stones so that it would not fall to the ground.
"Who're they?" The elf apparently had not left, and was now looking over my shoulder at the picture. It was a standard group shot, taken in front of the bell tower of Our Lady of Perpetual Misery. Fletcher and Lyeorn stood in the center row, the former dressed in overalls, the latter in his usual drab gray tunic and black breeches. In the back, towering over the rest of us, stood Boris. He wore a short-sleeved desert camouflage shirt with black trousers and boots, and had his hair cropped short to keep with the military style, although the ring through his nostrils was unlikely to pass muster with most armies. He was the only one of us not smiling in the picture, and his sunburnt arms were folded across his chest. A younger, teenaged version of myself stood in the front row, dressed in ripped jeans and a pink striped peasant top. My face was heavily made-up in shades of blue and black, and I had pulled my hair back into a ponytail. To my right stood Kass, wearing a red and black plaid flannel shirt, black jeans and sneakers. Her hair was orangeish-red with white skunk stripes and just barely covered her ears. Right before the photographer took the picture, she had thrown her arm over my shoulder and laughed, her mouth wide open as the shutter fired. Her bushy red-white fox's tail had swished, and was just about to strike me in the thigh when the moment was frozen in time. I cannot remember smiling as widely as I was right then and there.
I tried to answer the elf's question, but my voice stuck in my throat, and all I could do was try to swallow that lump down. I tried again, but that lump just would not go away, and the only noise I could make was a meek sniffle. I felt him rest a calloused hand on my shoulder, and my eyes burned. Oh, how I wish you were Fletcher. I slammed my eyelids shut, coughing as I tried to clear my throat. "It's...it is my family. My...friends."
The elf patted me once, then pulled back. "I'll leave you to it, then." I heard his footsteps begin to echo on the cobblestoned sidewalk, and I opened my eyes slowly. Before he could get too far away, I turned around and called out to him. "Hey!" He stopped and pivoted to face me again. I looked him over for a second, then smiled. "Diola lle."
"Lle creoso,? he replied, his accent now singsong in his native tongue. He doffed an imaginary cap to me, about-faced, and went on his way. I pressed my forehead against the cool stone and waited until the heat dissipated from my eyes.