I'm an unrepentant son of a bitch. And was she one alright. What brought me here is a suitably nasty, dirty tale and the grime aint all off me just yet.

Killing someone who wasn't meant for it is something I live with but hold no shame for, she was at the wrong place, wrong time and was associated with my hit. The girl was a walking mistake and didn't value anything or anyone including herself. She was coked up and close to death so when I did get to her it was more a euthanasia case than a downright murder.

Kelly was twenty two and from somewhere in Minnesota. She hated her family, her dog, her school and even her best friend and told me this all as I prepared the tub that would be her watery deathbed.

She had a face that was a perfect oval and hair the colour of malt. She made a quiet death and had no dying words. She just smiled and said her thanks. She'd killed her best friend, her dog, another school mate and come home one summer afternoon, put down her bag and taken a stabbing jab at her mother, so she said she deserved this and knew no correctional facility would even her up. I didn't care as I shoved her head under and held it there. I didn't care when I hauled her into the river, and threw her car keys after, throwing a gasoline stream over the car she used to drive every day, as I lit the match and walked away. I didn't care, won't either.

But things are changing for me. I used to be able to fit people up, make my deals, and do what I was good at: get aways. Moving on.

And then I met this kid, this kid that has the saddest eyes I've seen and I'm dragging him to his demise I know it but I can't stop myself because I need the help. But then I've got this nagging feeling that I shouldn't do this, that this could go sour for me. He's more than meets the eye. And I think he's one person that actually likes me on this planet, besides Leah.

Speaking of her, I miss her so fucking badly.

When they use that term, "ache" for a person, they aint lying. I feel that when I think that name and I'm lying in a bed that feels so far away from her.

I'll never be able to undo what happened to her. But I know I'll always try. Because some lunatic inside of me believes in miracles. Believes love is enough to take even the mad out of the insane.