Well, I was only a kid cruising around in a trance Prisoner of fate, victim of circumstance I was lined up for glory but the tickets sold out in advance The way the big wheel spins —-Rush - The Big Wheel

Lirssa managed to get herself together by the time night fell. The cold had gone beyond her skin. The chill dug into bones and ached joints. She rummaged around in her pack and found the key. Key to a safe place. Wrapping snow-pale fingers around it, the device triggered and she appeared in the safe house Mr Lucky had long ago created.

Figures passed by lightened windows. The sounds of warm-hearted voices reached out past doorways. It was the evening meal. Scents of rich sauces and butter melting breads wrapped her up and tugged her to the door. Before she knocked, it opened and one of Mr Lucky's caretakers stood there, his features shadowed by the light behind him. "Thought I heard something arrive. Been some time, Miss Lirssa."

He said nothing about the way she looked, but just brought her inside and steered her up to a room. Another of the caretakers, a woman, came up behind them as they reached the upstairs landing. "I've got her. You go on to your meal."

Lirssa shook her head. "I just need a place to rest. You both go on to the meal." The look she got from both of them, worried her. "Has something...happened?"

"What do you mean?" The man asked.

"Just I seemed to be expected, and then...the worry?"

The woman laughed and continued to usher Lirssa into a room, leaving the man behind. "Whenever one of Mr. Mallorek's friends show up, we worry. But no, nothing has happened that we know of. It would be better if I asked you that question." The tone asking the question more than the words did.

Lirssa was relieved. She had, then, gotten far enough away to not cause trouble. She sat in the rocking chair next to the bed. "Sorry, ma'am, I can't say as I know anything either. I just got caught too long out in the rain while working." It was not, she convinced herself, a lie. "I can tend to myself. Thank you for helping me in."

The woman was respectful of the request, asking nothing more. Lirssa had no doubt they would send word to Mr Lucky, but as everything seemed in order. She would get warm, rest, and be on her way the next day.

Or, as the case turned out from a full night and half a day of sleeping, she was on her way the day after feeling much more herself than she had in the past week. She had survived once more. Lucky girl.

Three more performances. Just three more shows. Lirssa felt like Cinderella, knowing the midnight chimes were the end of it, knowing when it would happen, and still getting caught up in the moment.

That moment was going to be over. That meant returning to old routines and smashing away new hopes.

It was, perhaps, not so dramatic as that, Lirssa considered as she helped harvest the garden at High Spires. She'd be back to flying again. Maybe one of those long trips. That might do her some good. Get her to shake away dizzy dreams.

"Lirssa?" Oona swung her little basket of zucchini back and forth as she stood waiting. Her gingham print dress was smudge at its hem from crawling in the garden. Dirt rimmed the nailbeds and darkened the tips. Her hair was wispy white, loosening from one little braid at her back and peaking from the bonnet she had to wear. She was as a cotton fluff with her pale skin and forget-me-not eyes. The sun was not kind to her, though she was not a vampire or of that nature. No, a human, albino, little girl.

Turning with her hands on her knees, Lirssa gave Oona a smile. "Basket full, then?"

A proud grin, the girl bobbed her head, the basket still swinging. "Mrs June's back from the clinic."

Rising from her crouch, Lirssa brushed off her trousers as best she could. "Thank you." A tender touch on the top of the girl's head, and the grin blossomed into a smile.

A touch, tender, honest affection. For some of the children, it was all they needed. To be loved for themselves. To be valued. Lirssa would miss the time she had been able to spend with the foster homes the past few weeks. In some small way, all these children were hers.

With her own basket in hand, she followed Oona up the steps that lead from the backyard into the kitchen. Mrs. June sat with one of the youngest on her lap, bottle to the hungry little mouth. She smiled up to Lirssa, but Lirssa could see there was a sadness — maybe weariness — in the old woman's eyes.

Old. Lirssa had not thought of it. Everyone around her stood still in her mind, except the children who obviously grew each passing month. But yes, Mrs. June and Mr. Ephram. They weren't young when they had started. They weren't going to get younger.

Lirssa smiled back and then took the basket from Oona. "I'll take care of this. You get cleaned up and go play a little. I'll call you back to help me prepare lunch if you like."

Oona's nod was eager, and she tugged off the bonnet before zipping through the hallways and clomping up the stairs to clean up.

Turning for the counter, Lirssa tended to the harvest. "You need help then, Mrs June?" There was no need to hedge the words.

With a chortle, Mrs. June said, "I, and Ephram, we need to step back. We have help, Lirssa, but we need to slow down. I'm not seein' as well as I used ta. That's dangerous to the little ones. That's dangerous to all of 'em. What if I gave 'em the wrong medicine" What if I fell down the stairs while carrying one?"

As much as Lirssa wanted to argue, she also knew this was hurting Mrs June. The infant in Mrs. June's lap mewled a little. Her green eyes open only to scrunch up again. Mrs. June transferred the baby to her shoulder, nuzzling at the tufted ears and doing her best to communicate as the child's race would.

"But you and Mr. Ephram are the heart of this place. What'll this do to the children?"

"We won't disappear, Lirssa. But — we need to start the transition. You need to find someone."

Lirssa finally turned to face Mrs. June. "I know."

Grateful Canaan had agreed to protect the foster homes from fire troubles, Lirssa had not wasted his time. All five houses were given the particular Canaan touch, and the last was High Spires.

Lirssa waved again to her mentor and turned to go inside. Mrs June was standing at the foot of the stairs, her hands twisting up the end of an apron. "What was that then?"

At least Mrs June did not waste time either. It was one of the things Lirssa appreciated about the lady. Sure, she was grandmotherly, patient, gentle, and kind; but she was also direct. "Don't have to worry about fires, Mrs June. Got it all covered. I know some of the children..." Lirssa trailed off. She did not want to mention the last time High Spires had suffered fire. That was not a day she wanted to remember.

The sunglasses formed in her mind's eye, needles, the heat building inside. She felt her heart race. Mrs June was at her side, her voice soft, "Come back here, Lirssa. Tell me what you see around you now."

"Curtains. Stairs. Toys. Books." With each word, she felt the panic subside. A smile to Mrs June in thanks, she crashed headlong into the purpose of her visit, trying to leave the episode far behind her. "Anyway, that won't be a worry. How is everyone?"

Mrs June stepped back and nodded towards the kitchen. When the door separating hallway and kitchen swung open, delicious smells drifted over Lirssa, curling about her and calming her more. Preparing meals for all who lived in High Spires House required early timing. Bread was already baking. There was a full pot boiling on the stove that looked to have a whole chicken in it.

Taking up a spoon, Mrs June returned to her work. "They are all fine. Starting to get the children used to the idea of us not being here." The woman paused, eyes crowded with wrinkles looked to her. "Have you found anyone?"

Rubbing at her forehead, Lirssa sighed. "No. Can't be just anyone. You know how hard it is to find someone who can provide what you and Mr Ephram give these kids" Understanding. Patience. The willingness to let them terrorize in safety until they learn what safety is" Accepting them for who they are" Feeding them. Stern but kind." Lirssa flung her hands out to her side. "You kinda folk don't just grow on trees, ya know."

At that, Mrs June laughed. "You make us sound like saints or some sort of divine beings. We are absolutely not, and you know it." She began chopping vegetables. "Stop looking for perfection. We are not that either, and certainly were not when we were younger."

"But what if I choose the wrong parents" These kids have been through enough." Lirssa could hear the whine in her voice and grit her teeth.

"I think, just like with Ephram and I, you will know them when you find them." And she laughed. A laugh that turned into a cough into her shoulder. "Sooner than later, my dear."

Clearing her throat, she continued, giving Lirssa a smile. "Thank you for taking care of the fire situation. Oh, and I have a gift basket for your friend that does that clothing" We have been so fortunate to have such good people think of the children here." She gestured to the basket with its black and white ribbon filled to the brim with hand drawn pictures from the children, a few jars of jam, some biscuits, and Mrs. June's especially tasty strawberry tarts. "Be sure he gets it. I will make another for your friend who I saw outside. You can pick it up tomorrow."

"Yes'm. I will." Mrs. June was right about that. There were good people out there that thought of the children.

Mrs June had warned her. Lirssa had not wanted to listen. Or, no, she listened. Yes, she had listened. But delayed. One more week, one more day. She would search harder; really dedicate her time to it.

But she had not. Shows, trips, training, dueling, cheering, patrols — it had all taken higher priority.

The night was strikingly cold. The air was clean. The sewers still spat up their stench. Death still crept around corners and in alleys. But the cold froze it and tucked it away. Winter washed the sins of the city in an icy bath.

People she passed on the streets did not give her a second glance. Their worlds were busy, full, hurried. She was a shadow in their play. Her arms wrapped tight around her shoulders. No doubt her coat, hat, and scarf were now part of the lost and found at the Inn. She deserved to be cold. The chill of the air was a weak punishment in comparison to the coldness of that hospital room. Mrs June, so full of love and warmth, looked paper thin and fragile in the sterile room.

High Spires House stood separate from its neighbors by the walls and the yard full of children's playthings. Low lights in the living room warned her that someone was awake. When she stepped inside, she found almost all the children awake, tumbled together among the pillows and seats, waiting.

Katie, the new daytime help, had been called in for the emergency to watch over the children. Her eyes were red, but she was talking softly to the children in reassuring words. When she saw Lirssa, she stood and met her in the foyer. "They just won't get to bed, Lir."

"It's okay, Katie. You go on home. You'll need to be back here a bit earlier tomorrow." Lirssa reached out to pat the woman's hand. Katie gasped. Lirssa had not realized how cold her hands had gotten until she touched the fire-hot skin of Katie.

"Oh, you're shivering. Where's your coat?"

"Doesn't matter. Go home. Get some rest." Lirssa laced the words with warning. The days ahead were going to be difficult.

"Lir?" Laurie stood, her nightgown a little overlarge for the thin frame. She was one of the newer children. Still unsure about the safety of the home.

And now this. Now her growing trust would be shattered again. Lirssa took in a deep breath. The weight of her failure to act smashed hard upon her heart. The tears burned at her eyes as she fought them. Her throat felt as if embers slid down, scalded and tightening the flesh. Another inhale, shaky with the battle between tears and resolve. "Let's all get to bed now. I'll be here tonight."

"I don't want to go to bed."

"I heard her fall."

"Is Mrs June okay?"

"Is she coming back?"

"Is she dead?"

"Where's Mr Ephram?"

"Is he coming back?"

The questions were a torrent of fear as the children stood and gathered around her. Their words rent and tore at her, trying to tear away bits of hope from whatever she might say. Over and over the questions cycled, pleading, grasping. Give them hope. Give them faith. Give them something.

It was hard to swallow. There was nothing there in her mouth. "Shhh," the sound whispered out with a raspy chorus. "Shhhh," she said again, for herself as well as them. "We'll sleep down here tonight. All together."

"Babes, too?" Katie asked from the doorway.

"I will see to them. Get some sleep, Katie. And thank you."

Katie left with one last worried look. Lirssa turned to the children. "Get your blankets and your pillows. Jasper and Lydia, help me bring down the bassinets for the babies. We're all going to be here. We're going to be here together."

"Mrs June?" Laurie pressed the question as the others began to move and do as Lirssa said. They stopped once more to listen.

"She's sick, Laurie. She's bad sick. That's all I know. Now go on and get your things. I'll be here."

Lirssa sat at her desk at the Kids of Summer Foundation offices in Little Elfhame. She was smiling at the bouquets of flowers adorning one corner of the dark wood surface. Orchids, with its note from Salvador — quite unexpected, and so cherished —, peonies and starflowers from Josie front and center as the ballerina always should be, and roses with their flowery company from the Empress with her teasing note. Other bouquets had found home in her ship. Spread the joy. And keep the memory close.

All Lirssa had to do was glance at them and she was whisked away to the performance at the Vivant Showcase once more.

Throughout her performing life, at least in acrobatics, she had performed alone. Bubber had trained her, but he did little more than introduce, speak lines, and pass the hat at performances. He had never sent her spinning through the air with ropes on her feet. It was an entirely new experience, a fantastic challenge, to have Canaan there. Complex, beautiful routines became possible. And he had been gracious to share that new world with her. It was as close to flying among the stars as she could get while land bound.

Or desk bound. Pulling her attention away, daydreams still vied for control. Yet, there was work to be done. A few hours reviewing files, foster home visits, and then she could duel. Maybe. The smile returned thinking about the possibilities.