Twinkle, twinkle little star, How I wonder what you are...

It was quiet in her room. The mural on the walls shown in half shadows from the faint light of her window. The streetlamp below could not reach so far as that fourth floor with any real power. In days past, in the apartment across the way, she would have closed up the window, shuttering out that light. She couldn't bring herself to do that. Lirssa could not put herself in a dark windowless room.

The late hour did not mean she allowed herself to be sleepy. Her arms were tired. Her shoulders ached, but she had not spent nearly the amount of energy as she used to. And sleep was not a pleasant place to go. There had been a few nights early in her return when her mind had finally given in to slumber. She had been sure she had fallen asleep in her wheelchair, staring out the window, but whenever she woke, laughing through panicked breaths, she had been in bed. It must have been Papa who got her there. Maman likely could have, she was so very strong, but with Firefly to carry it made no sense for her to be lifting Lirssa, too. She never asked, but she always gave them both a smile in the morning.

In these later days, weeks of routine, Lirssa could now maneuver herself well enough to get to bed and, more importantly, toilet, by herself. That had been embarrassing. She tried not to think about it when her parents had to help her. She talked about anything else than what was going on. There were the exercises, too. She did not do much in those but chatter away. Little sprinkles of words constantly falling that helped her pretend this was an everyday normal thing to have her Maman or Papa work her legs and her feet, make them move. She chattered to keep her mind busy. If she stopped, if she thought about it like in the quiet of her room at night, then she could remember why her legs were immobile. It was especially difficult at night when the dark came and the nightmares. Like this night. The house had a syncopated rhythm to it, unexpected beats pulsing uncertainties. Papa was mostly quiet, as if he were still lost in that dream maze and not sure where to turn. Maman was steady as a rock. She kept going, kept trying, and drew in the strangeness of their lives to make it their own. It had been a long time, or felt that way, since she had a new driver. Between the two, the music had changed, taken up a yearning half beat, and it was beyond Lirssa just what to do but keep smiling and laughing and being glad she was alive while the sun shone.

Lirssa shook her head. She did not know why she was thinking about it. It was something to think about, she supposed. Something to keep her awake until she just could not stay awake any longer. Dante lay on her bed, or more the bottom bunk of the beds where she had taken to sleeping, and looked at her. What was he thinking" Was he trying to show her that the bed was an okay place to be? Was he confused like she was about what she would do or become if her legs never got better"

He whimpered, just one soft note and rolled to his back on the bed. Look, he seemed to say, it's comfortable. "Alright," Lirssa sighed and pulled on the wheels to back up to the bed, then turned one and the other to get the right angle so she could pull herself onto the bed. All she needed was to make sure her hip hit at just the right place, and then she could twist herself about and drag her legs up one at a time behind her.

She had, with a modicum of self praise, gotten very good at it. She also hated that she had gotten very good at it. The stars on her painted toes flashed in the sliver of lamplight. Stars. How can she be their star when she can't climb or dance or flip or tumble or " her hands hit the mattress " "Not anything.?

Dante huffed as he got off the bed and curled up on the floor near her bed and chair. Lirssa lay back, and drew the covers over her. Her fingers ran up and down the edge of the comforter the piano scales she practiced that day. It was one of the few ways to use up her energy, that and rolling herself all over the city. Her shoulders did not like that much for long. Her fingers stopped pattering and her hand closed about the milkglass charm hanging from her wrist; a gift from Mrs. Koy to urge healing. A faith she honored if she could not share. A light touch over the figurine, then Lirssa stretched one shoulder and then the other, feeling a yawn tug at her throat and crack open her jaws.

Needles. They were so small in the eyeless phantom's hands, showing bright lightning flashes beneath the single light in the dark room. Then they were huge when they pinned through her ankles and along her legs. She was like a bug on display at the museum, enormous swords digging past flesh and bone. She wanted to scream. She tried to tell the phantom to stop. The needles kept coming. Her throat was locked against any words. Her arms were pinned down. A needle-sword aimed for her head

She woke. Her throat felt red-raw as if she had been screaming, but as she looked around and saw where she was, she started to laugh. He did not get her. She was home. She laughed through moisture at the corners of her eyes and then looked to Dante, but the dog was not alone. Another figure stood there, a hand outstretched, no needles, no swords, just open and loving.

The maternity swimsuit Fio'd had to purchase on the way to the 'pool' was just one more surreal thing in an utterly surreal twenty-four hours. It took her a good fifteen minutes in the dressing room to figure the thing out, and more than once, she called out over the stall door, "Are you sure I have to wear something for this?"

Lirssa sat in her wheelchair sporting the suit they had picked up for her. It had been — interesting, to put it mildly to get it on herself. "Yeah, that's what it said on the sign when I rolled by. Appropriate swimwear must be worn at all times." She plucked at the leaf print suit and it snapped back. "Next time we can go to the swimmin' hole and you can be stark naked iffin ya want. But this place, probably better for us. Listed momma and baby classes, too." Lirssa had done a lot of reading on the windows outside.

Fionna emerged reluctantly from behind the swinging door, garbed in a sapphire blue maternity suit - a tank - applying a little lipstick in a vivid shade of red called "Kiss My Assets" as she went. Her feet were bare; someone had helped her paint her toenails at some point. She'd braided her hair, for ease's sake. "I've never worn a swimsuit to swim in in all my life."

Big smile, knowing just how her Maman felt, she flashes two thumbs up. "But ya look killer, Maman. Shows all your baby makin' curves. I overheard one guy down at the Hook n Sinker a few years ago say that he likes the way a pregnant woman looks. Only, well, he was sorta yelk...but still..." Lirssa rolled after her. "I used to wear just my old motleys or clothes to swim." A shrug up of her shoulders, she watched Maman out of the corner of her eyes. Things were just a little sketchy since yesterday, and maybe she was talking too much. With that thought in mind, she pressed her lips together.

She looked like she had vying thoughts about how to respond to that. In the end, there was a decision: 'say nothing, but teach her how to castrate a man with her pinky nail later' appeared to be the sum of it, from her eyes. Instead, she smiled and gestured for the door leading to the pool. "Come on, guppy. Let's see if I still float."

"Yay!" Hands up in the air. She gave the enthusiasm a jolt to squash her own fears. Her heart was beating a bit faster. She knew her Maman could sense things like that. Deep breaths, thinking her heart into slowing down. She forced her breathing to match the pushes on the wheels. The excitement, the delight of something new. "We've never gone swimming before together. It's like — family stuff." A light laugh as she made it out to the pool and inhaled the strange pitched smell, like after a rain but sharper. "It's so blue!"

"We've done things together," it was almost a question. She thought, she was sure, there were so many memories with the girl, and the love was real. There had to be some common experiences supporting it all. "But yes, it is family stuff." The chlorine scent was strong in the humid air, and the room was very bright. "It's the tile - that color. It's pretty, isn't it?"

Lirssa nodded and ignored the looks she was getting. She was used to looks, and she pretended it was because of her hair or her suit or her eyes, not because of her pale skinny legs. Maman was getting a few looks too but more sympathetic ones. Could almost see some of the ladies thoughts "Poor woman. Has a cripple on her hands and going to have a wee one, too." Tsk, tsk went their small mind thoughts.

"I personally like the yoga in the mornings — well, and the ice cream out, too. And then there was my first ever real Yuletide." She listed them off more for herself. So many things they had done, happy things. There were many sad things, too, but she didn't need to remind either of them of that. It was around them too much. "And your birthday and seeing my first flicker show!" She set the brakes of her wheelchair near the pool.

Fionna didn't even notice anyone staring, or if she did, it didn't bother her at all. She chatted with her as they walked along the side of the pool, toward a cluster of empty lounges, and the shallower end of the water. "And books, and puzzles, and cooking. Piano. Painting." She plucked things at random from her head, like a magician pulling scarves out of thin air, and threw them out there. "Do you want to set up base here?" She pointed to a pair of chaise lounges with a small table between.

Lirssa turned to look over her shoulder and watch her Maman set up their spot. A big smile and a wiggle of brows. "Looks perfect."

She made a production of it, too, draping two towels over the chairs for them to sit on, and putting cold drinks out of her bag on the table. Other towels went on the foot of the chair she chose for herself, and the bag was stuffed underneath. Lirssa watched it all go out, what of the movements were Grace and what were Mirielle or Missie" They were all in there, a quintet learning to play together once more.

"So," she said, rising and looking around to catch a lifeguard gawking at her. She arched one of her perfectly groomed eyebrows at him, her hands on her hips. Then her eyes ticked back to Lirssa. "Looks like I am hot in this!" she winked. "Where should we ease in" Over there?"

She shrugged up her shoulders to her ears and then looked around to the lifeguard and back to her Maman and nodded. "Told ya!"

Looking around, she nodded to the place, undid the brakes and wheeled that way. "Looks like some steps nearby for ya." Reset the brakes again.

"Okay. Let me get in, and then I can help you, if you lean forward....sound good?"

Lirssa reached down to draw one foot off the wheelchair footrest and then the other. "Iffin you just hold up my feet so they don't go gettin all scratched up, I can get myself down there. Not much different from the lamp post tricks I used to do. That was all arm work, too. Only, here, well, can't keep my legs from folding up underneath me like." With both feet off and resting against the side of the pool, she waited for Maman before the next move.

Fionna moved around the corner to take the steps into the water, and waded over to where Lirssa had parked her chair. "I think I can manage that, petite. Here," she reached for her, clasping her feet carefully, and keeping them about six inches up from the cement.

A smile, "Thank you," she gripped the metal braces at the front of the wheelchair. Arm and back muscles working to lift her bottom up a little, and then she swung forward. Her legs were floppy nothings in the safety of Maman's hands. "Just a little bit down," doing just as she says, the arms controlling her body. By the time her bottom was on the edge of the pool, her legs likely in the water, her arms were behind her. She released and laughed. "Step one accomplished! Ooh, feels kinda cool, doesn't it?" And hands to the sides of the pool, she looked to Maman for confirmation. There were times she had discovered her legs told her falsely what was warm or cold, not often, but it happened.

"It is cool; it feels really good, in fact," she said, and then that sudden, penetrating look that popped up from time to time over the last two days. "How far up can you feel that?"

Lirssa thought about it, looked down at her legs. She reached down pressed her fingers along her legs from where the water reached almost up to her knees. Then she grinned. "The whole way, I think. I mean...feels like." She scooped up the water and trickled it over her knees and the smile went wide. "I feel it. And it is cool. It isn't wrong." This time, but she doesn't listen to that little voice grumping from a corner of her mind.

With hands to either side, Lirssa lifted her body up and then lowered herself into the water, her upper torso confirming what her legs had been telling her, though the sensation of the cool water did send a few goosebumps up and down her arms.

"That's good. That's really good!" The turquoise reflection of light off the water painted ripples on the ivory of her cheeks as she smiled. "Can you feel this?" She slipped her hand under the water to tickle behind Lirssa's knee. She was ticklish there, herself, so it was worth a try.

Lirssa peered at her knee, her arms treading water underneath her to prop up her upper body as she watched. "It feels warm." The smile big, her tongue sticking out a little between her teeth. "I can feel both now. Warm and cold. That can only be good. Right?"

"That is incredibly good, yes," she murmured. "It's amazing progress."

She reached to put an arm around Maman's shoulders. "How do you feel" Nice not weighin so much, huh' Does Firefly make ya feet hurt' Back hurt?" She listed off complaints she's heard other soon mother's make.

She slid an arm around Lirssa's back, and slid her other under her knees, floating out a little deeper with her. "Everything hurts, but don't tell Papa. It's all normal, I've done this before, but he would worry."

"I won't tell him. Long as you're sure it's normal. You talk to Miss Eva 'bout it, yeah' She'd not let anythin' happen." Spoken with absolute confidence, then a mouth twisting question. "You know Miss Eva, yeah' Dark hair, scar on her cheek?"

"Mm," she murmured, shifting her arm slightly until it was under Lirssa's thighs, rather than her knees. "I think so. The doctor?" She could see her, in her mind's eye, and had mixed thoughts. "I am sure I probably did."

"Yes'm. She doesn't practice regular like, but she takes care of our family. Might be, when ya get your whereabouts and such, we should go see her and all."

"The book," thinking back to what she'd read in the journal they all had been keeping, "has my appointment schedule in it. Between the three of us, she's spends more time at the Eye than she probably does at home. We can check the next time when we get home. It's no hurry."

She let her hands glide through the water, a big smile, her head leaning back and then bringing it up sharp, "I'm not troublin' ya with carryin' me, am I" I can float iffin you wanna float, too, or swim."

"If you'd like to float on your own, I can let you go. You sure?" A nod, and then another. "Yes'm. At least, I'm pretty sure. Guess we'll find out." A titter of laughter, she started to lay back and tightened her stomach a little to move into a prone position. As she moved, she puffed out a hurried breath, somewhat nervous but liking being a little daring with the safety of her Maman nearby. "If nothin' else, I can hang on to the side of the pool and float that way."

The aquamarine of the pool sparkled in the sunlight that slanted in from the skylights overhead. She turned her so she was parallel with the edge of the pool. "Put your hand on the edge there," nodding toward the white rim of concrete.

Water sunk into Lirssa's ears, and her nose crinkled up at the crackling sound. Lifting her head up, the water poured back out. She reached for the side of the pool, fingers curving over. It was a light tether. "Yeah, that's probably best. Good thinkin."

Some boys playing on the other side of the pool squealed, as one dove in and sent water flying everywhere. Fionna shot her head up, staring that way like a deer in the headlights for about 30 seconds. Then her shoulders relaxed, and she gave Lirssa a quick and embarrassed smile. "Okay. Here goes." And she eased her arms down and out from under her.

Lirssa smiled and nodded, her legs went down a little, but without the impulse of muscles floated as if, well, to put it bluntly, as if belonging to the body of the dead. But she kept afloat and her free hand went up to give a thumbs up, rocking her sideways a bit. "Is good, Maman! Try it!" The rolling waters of the playing boys rocked her a little as she floated and looked to Maman for her to join in or set to swimming.

She ducked down and tipped her head back to get her hair wet, then straightened and plowed her hand lightly across the surface of the water to splash Lirssa. "It IS good!" grinning and ducking under the surface. Now where did she go"

A sputtering, blinking laugh at the splash. Yet when the water was cleared of her eyes, Maman was not to be seen. A tilt, more treading of water with her free hand, she tried to spy out her moving form in the rolling waters of the active pool. Without realizing, her right foot twitched to assist in the turning. "Where are you?" Grinning at the impish nature of her Maman.

Got her! She reached up from beneath and tickled her ribs, then moved a few feet down near, well, her feet, and tickled her left heel, then her right.

"Omigosh!" She gasped and her body collapsed briefly in a fit of giggles, fingers gripping at the side of the pool to keep her head above water as she laughed. When the tickles moved to her feet, she felt the warmth of her Maman's hands and the reflexive sensation to get away from the tickles twitched her feet again. "Maman! I'm gonna get you back for that one of these days." A teasing threat flashed in bright green eyes. "One of these days....what?s that feel like, Maman' Knowing that...that you're gonna know without the book?" She mused softly to herself.