Its all these demons haunting me Its all these little things trapped inside of me Releasing me from all my sin Its taken me all of my anger And taken me all of my hate To learn how my life came together Releasing the demons again

And now I look through my minds eye And see where my past needs to rest Its always disturbed by these voices That echo inside of my head Another way that I can hide "Releasing The Demons" - Godsmack

A jerk and she woke with a sharp startled yelp. The book on her lap hit the ground, leaving and echoing in her ears with the loud thump it made upon hitting the floor. The room was dead silent otherwise and she sucked in a hissing breath. She hadn't planned on falling asleep. She never intended to do that ever, but the book was a dry read.

The nightmare was lingering. The pain still felt on her body and she muttered darkly, still not moving, waiting for the effects to fade as they normally would. The screams the terror was still riding her mind and she shivered. Wincing again as the pain was being persistent this time and a small hand rose to push hair from her eyes, but she froze before the act was completed. Staring in growing horror at the dried blood caking upon her small thin fingers.

Spurred to motion in that instant, she scrambled and skidded her way into the bathroom and soon both hands were plunged into the warm running water. Wide purple eyes just watched the pink flow, sucked away down the drain. She still registered the stinging radiating from her back, but wasn't ready to look, as already she was gazing down on the defensive gashes in her arms. She tasted the copper tinge of fear on her tongue and found she had to fight to breath. It couldn't be happening again. She had thought it something from the past. Dreams might haunt, but they no longer manifested. That was until now.

A darting look and another hiss, seeing the red rusty streaks on her pale cheeks and a growing bruises already rising under the mess. One eye was already showing the mottled maroon coloration and swelling, along with others under the layer of dried blood. Her blood. She had to be causing this. It had to be her own mind creating it this time, for there wasn't any other explanation for it but that. There had been no stirring within the paths. No sign or hint. She knew he wasn't gone but had knew he was contained. Her Da had told her Khorathil couldn't escape. He couldn't harm her here again.

A twist and in the reflecting glass she caught the signs of a torn shirt. Under the cotton tatters the skin was lashed and ripped. Old scars open and weeping as if only just inflicted and not from so long ago. The memory of the sound of her step father's riding crop rang like a tolling bell, making her knees weak and she sank down right there on the floor of the bathroom, fighting back the urge to cry. She had to fight against it. It made her weak. A weakness she couldn't afford a foothold upon her now. The fear was bad enough she didn't need to fall into a self-pity party.

She had to think. Only trouble was her mind wasn't willing to work correctly. Like a moving picture the images played over and over instead. Things she truly wished she had lost, gone with other old memories, but not these. They were to far etched into her psyche. Drat them!

A small hand moved, lightly stroking along the coat of small white puppy that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. Her glassy gaze looked down at and she sighed. "Don't suppose you know anything about this eh Palinar." The animal just flopped down, it's glowing coat rippling under her fingers, fading in and out in the way of most ghosts. She could feel it. Much like she had as a small child. The warmth might be gone, but the silky soft feeling was registering even to her scattered mind.

Even before it could, she snapped off the meandering of memories. The sight of her brief childhood pet wasn't a place she ever wished to go again. He only showed up in times like this. When she was trapped in a loop of less then pleasant memories.

Tasha hugged the furry creature, rubbing the ears lightly, as she considered other things, like being proactive. "With everything going on, I don't need to add to the stress. This, well this might just be me causing it. Da promised he couldn't do it again, and I know he wouldn't lie about that. So, maybe if it wasn't my own weird magiks at work, it might be something in that book I was reading."

She didn't expect an answer, but got a faint "woof? in response and after one last lingering cuddle, she moved carefully up to her feet. She needed to hide this. If any saw her now, they would know something had happened. Sure, she could blame it on her hobby, but she already knew her father didn't care for it. It was too dangerous so he said. He would want her to stop. Besides, the damage followed faithfully every old scar she had already. That would be a lot harder to explain.

She was becoming a master at hiding things. Her glamour spells were nearly unnoticeable these days so concealing these wounds shouldn't be too difficult, or so she hoped. However, first things first, she had to get the blood off. The smell alone was making her ill, so into the shower she soon climbed, huddling there as the heat intensified the pain for a time, making her a bit light headed. She had a very high tolerance to pain. Years of suffering it, had build that up to some surprising levels, but once the limit was reached, she balled like a baby. This time she battled back the tears, swiping away with wet fingers almost disgusted with them. If this was something of her own making, it was up to her to find whatever demon was causing it, release it. Set it free just so she could kill it, in some horribly nasty and preferably brutal manner that would satisfy her need for revenge and lay it to rest for good.

There was also that slim, slight possibility it was Khor again. If it were his magic screwing with her again she would have to find the means to stop it from continuing. That meant research, but she was getting good with that too. Finding the answers and a resolution for it.

Wrapped in a towel she stalked back out into the bedroom she used here at Gharnholme and was soon pulling out a small jar of Goldenrod and set about using it on the various welts and slashes she could get to. There wasn't much she could do about her back, unable to reach but she was already healing. Tender and red, but no longer oozing blood, so it was better then before. Noticing with some surprise the chair she had been sitting in near the hearth wasn't soaked. In the past she had gone through a slew of sheets from such manifestations. It was odd, but she didn't ponder upon it for long.

Next the spell to hide all the flaws marking her skin and face. Her glamour's were easy. She didn't change her general appearance, cloths, or any thing else just hid the scars marring her small frame. Over the years most had faded to the point they could only be felt. Although there was a few she still felt a need to conceal from curious eyes. Some were nosy enough to ask where she got it, and that, well that wasn't a question she cared to answer or even contemplate in any public place.

Once satisfied that nothing out of the ordinary showed on her person, she was off. It was time to hit the various studies and libraries she knew and find out how to fix this latest little wrinkle.

It did not feel the same And Now I am withholding all the pain And I Still remember how I hurt myself When I shut this all away This time no one can hear me As I'm screaming on the floor I feel so far away from healing So I'm stepping back inside Stepping back inside of me This time the voice is screaming It screams in me silently

Silently- Trust Company

She had lists. Items she needed for her two current plottings. Trick would be not to confuse them of course, but once she reached Onyx, she peeked inside Bel's office not seeing her there and just gave a light shake of her head. Her silvery hair fluttering about wildly for a moment as she really needed to talk to her about Brian's offer of aid.

Ah well, perhaps she could catch her later. She had dropped in the other morning, but either had been to early or to late as the lady was already gone and even Old One Eye was absent. She had run into Indi, who was adding more wards to the already over laden ones in place. But, with the threats from DCH and in particularly Mr. Howe, they were not taking any chances. This time Dimensional beings not invited was another added to the ever growing list that the foundation stone was being tuned to.

Why that reminded Tasha about bringing Viki over was anyone's guess, but it did and she made a mental note to send the girl a message to meet her at the house sometime soon. But for now she was on a hunt. Her destination after having checked in so to speak, was the supply room. She knew it had been recently restocked so should be able to find nearly everything she needed in there.

Her bright eyes just glowed with thought as she stepped inside and looked around at the array of goods to be searched and chuckled quietly. "Oh this will be amusing." Realizing she had to actually find the log that explained in detail where every thing was located or she would be hunting for days.

Taking down to small boxes, she pulled out the purple pen and scrawled "Binding" on one and "The Dreaming" on the other. Next she pulled out the large ledger with all the stock listed and just flipped it open. Seeking the first item she frowned not finding it. Of course it wasn't a common thing Green Spider Orchid was a unique item in her home. Of course she might locate some of it at Gharnholme. Myri was like the queen of herbs after all. She carried a huge stock of just about every kind of flower, weed, and root there was. She needed that for her planned incantation.

"Bummer. Okay then, on to the next." A small vial of crushed Skullcaps was dropped into "The Dreaming" Box, along with Lady's Slippers, Passion Flowers, both leaves and blooms crushed, as that was important, and there was some with just the leaves and others with just blossoms, but her spell called for both. Tossing in Horsetail and Aspen leaves, she paused and peered at the book again. "Umm, I really need some Ormus."

Her silent fear was driving her now. She didn't want to talk about it. She wanted it to go away so she could comfortably ignore it. It wasn't just the Nightmares either, but those were part of her nervous state. The thought of losing her father rattled her badly. It wasn't as if they were close, but he represented acceptance to her, and care, someone that wanted her to be safe. But her fear wasn't leaving, it was quietly eating at her, tearing at her nerves with painful claws and was making her avoid sleeping even more then before. She had even considered taking some of those vitamins Myri supplied. At one time she might of considered drugs, she had dropped that in lieu of her current hobby. Those would likely make matters worse and make her stupid on top of it. So, in typical Tasha fashion, she planned to fix this. Maybe her methods were not the best, but it was at least something she could attempt to do if nothing else.

"I may end up smelling either really pretty or really foul with this mixture." She was talking to Kaspie now, her guide that had melted into translucence near her.

"Tis nae safe to tinker like this Anastasha. Remember the last time ye made such a thing?" There was that note of censor in his words that made her frown at him and give a huff as she turned and started to paw through the small drawers.

"Yeah, but my magic is much better now. Besides, I don't need to dream. It isn't anything at all like voiding all emotion." She turned and looked at him. Seeing the elegantly dressed Elvin lord that had been her spiritual guardian since she could remember. In fact he had saved her life on a few occasions too. "It's happening again Kaspie." She pulled up the sleeve of her jacket as she continued to gaze at him somberly, the glamour fading and letting him see the healing scars.

"Ye need to seek ye father then." He was frowning with a lace surrounded hand moving to his elegant chin, looking as stern as always. Tasha was well used to that look though and just ignored it.

"Da's busy besides, I couldn't find him even with a map right now, he's incommunicado. Heck, everyone is busy and I think I can manage this one little spell Kaspie. It doesn't look that complicated." She plucked some gold threaded string and tossed that into the "Binding" box. Then two vials of mugwort, one for each of her planned incantations.

He snorted faintly and eyed the other box now. "Ye need to dream Anastasha. All ye kind need that to refresh or they grow stagnant and weak. Ye should seek a warding, nae a prevention of the dreams. Ye may find ye lose ye emotion without them also."

"Considering the dreams got me at Gharnholme, which is warded out the whazzoo, pretty sure that ain't gonna work to well. If it starts to make me weak, or an emotionless drone I can just take it off. It ain't like I will be stuck with it. I just need to sleep sometime Kaspie, and with those nasty night terrors, I can't. I always feel like I am moving in slow motion these days." She grumbled then, hunting for the calcitrina, a white gold stone that was also very important for the spell to work. "Besides, I can't make those dreams stop. I can't control them. Believe me, I have tried. Thing is, it's more a replay of old memories then any actual dream. They just attack me when I am sleeping."

"No good will come of this girl." He was now looking at the other box that was getting loaded with a variety of herbs, but it was the dull globe that seemed to hold his attention. "Who ye planning on binding Anastasha?"

She giggled evilly with a look over as she pulled down a thin flat box holding the pristine, unused sacrosanct dagger she needed for the binding, nearly losing her balance and just dropped unsteadily to the floor from her climb. "DCH." Said ever so simply.

The ghostly form exploded suddenly. "Ye have GONE quite mad young one! Ye are nae strong enough to tangle with the likes of them! Did that Howe crush both ye wrists?"

"Well, yeah, but I still hurt him. Besides, they feel all better now too." She frowned for a moment, hating that little reminder and then with a shaking of her silvery head, she shook it right off. "Calm down Kaspie. I am only gonna try and bind one of them. Figure one is more then enough." Tasha dropped the weapon into the box and looked at him with wide shimmering eyes. "I can hurt them. I can use this to scare them away from my Da. That Mr. Howe wants to destroy him and I don't like that idea at all."

The ghostly form wavered as if suddenly caught in static and she frowned at him for a moment then rolled her eyes, when he started to pace back and forth in the small room. "Ye can hurt them but they can kill ye. Ye are nae anywhere near close enough to their power to do this child. Do ye understand me" "

"Oh I understand you, but see, I think I can do this. I won't know unless I try anyway and besides, I got the means to escape if anything goes wrong. I got some weapons too. If nothing else, the simple fact that I manage it, even for a short time will make those old fat dimensional demons pause. It will be a threat they hadn't expected!" She planted her hands on her denim-clad hips and smiled darkly. "They may back off as if one thing I learned after dating that lousy rotten rat Simon, they really hate getting caught and trapped that way."

Muttering as he eyed her, his brow low and furrowed, giving him that unibrow look that she snickered at. "I still think ye should let ye father know ye Night Terrors have returned and nae seek to bind anything."

"Oh stop being such a grump Kaspie. If I mess up, you have my permission to lecture me for hours on end. Okay?" Had he been solid she would have patted him lightly, instead a small hand waved about casually.

"I be hoping ye survive all this foolishness. Why do ye have this insane need to try such things" Ye should seek help, tis what ye family be for!" He wasn't happy and made it obvious as the shelves around her rattled ominously.

"Right now, all the family is all tied up with their own problems. I don't think I need to bother them about Night Terrors. As for the binding, well, there ain't any way to know it will even work yet. Just gonna have to give it a shot. If it does what I hope, I will have helped the family for a change." She gazed at him with a serious gleam in her silvery violet gaze. "Don't ya get it Kaspie" I don't want to be always a burden. I don't always want others to think they gotta protect me. I want to help not hinder for a damn change!"

"That may so, but ye could find less dangerous methods then some binding that may or may not work. Nae to mention this dreaming thing ye be plotting. Can't ye speak with Belial about ye troubles first?" He was getting frustrated with his charge and the ghostly eyes were starting glow a funny shade of blue.

She threw her hands into the air and huffed, before she stalked over and put the lids on the two boxes she had made. Hoping to find the rest she needed at Luc's keep. "Bel's got her own troubles right now, like I already said. I tell her this and it only adds to her stress and she might just take off again. Something I don't think anyone needs right now. Look, if my enchantment doesn't work, I will tell her. Okay?"

"I fear ye spell might work only to well and ye will nae even realize it. JUST LIKE THAT last time!" He seemed to think bellowing at her actually worked, but all it did was make her wince and glower at him.

"Stop yelling. I hear just fine ya know. Okay chill your ghostly jets for a moment, I will think about telling her. Happy."

"Nae! Thinking about and doing be very different things!" He was flustered and sputtering a bit now and she couldn't help but giggle at him.

"Fine, stick around and you can play hero if you feel the need. If I see her then, I will tell her." Considering she had only very brief glimpses of Bel lately, she wouldn't really get the chance, but it might placate her Spirit Guide enough to calm down.

"Do ye promise Anastasha?" He was looking at her now with an expression that suspected she would try to find a way to wiggle out of it.

"Yes, I promise if I see her, I will tell her." That didn't mean Bel would stick around long enough for her to actually do that, but she would try. Not that she believed it would make any difference. The entire family was honestly busy lately and not only that, they were also very tense and stressed. Which was also why she didn't want to burden any of them with even more woes to pile on top of the ones they already had. However, a promise was a promise and she would keep it, or at least try to.

"There's a beast upon my shoulder and a fiend upon my back. Feel his burning breath a heaving, smoke oozing from his stack. And he moves beneath the covers or he lies below the bed. He's the beast upon your shoulder. He's the price upon your head. He's the lonely fear of dying, and for some, of living too. He's your private nightmare pricking. He'd just love to turn the screw. So stand as one defiant —- yes, and let your voices swell. Stare that beastie in the face and really give him hell."

Beastie - Jethro Tull

This was a new spell, but she had researched every detail she could about it, but she couldn't determine what lightshow it might create. It was funny how many spells just failed to mention those small things. One day she might actually write her own spell book and in hers she would make a point to add side effects and the special ones too. Including all the area reactions they made. It would be the most unique spell casters guide ever, but she was letting her mind jump ahead and had to stop that.

Words started to fall from her lips and she dropped the Ormus into the now gently simmering caldron, seeing the splash of gold and silver swirling down deep within the herbs already dancing. The last item was the calcite cluster. The glittering rock was slipped into the mixture gingerly, some care taken so not splash or spill was made. Then her chant started to build and became a softly sung incantation. The lyrical Elvin tongue easier for her to use and often brought an odd comfort when she was falling onto a trance like state.

It was a chilly wind that first started to blow, tossing the angel fine silvery hair about carelessly and then the rolling of clouds above, the gray billows brought to life by the sparking of vertical lightening. The forks energy flashing but only above, but never once reaching towards the earth, a true electrical storm, lacking the usual thunderous claps and the subsequent rain that often followed such demonstrations of nature.

She didn't move, never once faltering with her conjuring hymn, the song falling in an almost eerie melody she hadn't even realized she knew. Small hands started to glow with a faint purple hue, drawing energy inward, with the darkening of wide slanted eyes. The shimmer of silver lost now to the dark swelling of chaotic and necromantic power.

She could feel the spell as it started to create. It was an unusual sensation, having never noticed such a thing before, but felt it crackling around her, and over her pale skin. It was a light touch that made the fine hair stand and tickle faintly.

Tasha still sang, the soft Elvin language flowing with a dreamlike quality, her tone surprisingly clear and full. She always had a decent voice just few ever actually heard her sing. A side she tended not to share but again those thoughts and reasons were pushed aside.

It was the sudden explosion that threw her backwards that finally brought the spell to an abrupt end, leaving her clinging to the edge of the large flat rock and struggling to pull herself up before she took a tumble. Gravity was a nasty thing sometimes.

A single glance upward and she blinked. The clouds were gone, as if they had never been. It was a good bet that some of Luc's barbarians would be having a fit to, which meant Betina would be grumbling at her if all went as expected. Blowing bangs from her smudged features she crawled over, realizing the design she had placed down was also absent. "Um, must have gone into the enchantment." Tasha muttered, getting closer to the small over turned caldron.

Nudging it around slowly, she caught sight of the small pendant now resting in the ash and just plucked it out. Her dark cast eyes taking on the glow it now radiated, and it was warm to the touch. One of those curious sensations that spoke of some kind of inner power but hard to determine just what type it held. For Tasha knew, it was a collage of different wards but none stood out alone.

She had altered the spell just a little all due to Kaspie's fussing. She didn't want to stop feeling. Nor did she have any desire to go mentally unstable. Her brain was already messed up enough she didn't need to add to it further. Tasha now could only hope that her small changes hadn't ruined it totally and just gazed at the silver circle. The image was now cut out of the items she had used. The tree and the star shimmering with a life all their own and small sparks danced over the gleaming surface.

It was actually rather pretty, but she only planned to wear it when she slept. Something she now needed rather intensely, having used up her store of magical energy and feeling the drain down in her bones.

Pulling out some leather cord, she looped the end through her new creation and gave a soft laugh. It looked like it was supposed to actually. The book of spells Daug had given her had given that much information, but she had made a few minor little changes. If this worked, she would be very relieved. If it didn't, it would be back to the old drawing board. Either way, she had learned something new.

Packing up all she had left over, she placed everything into the wooden box and was soon picking her way down that high peak. Her newest pendant wrapped snuggly around a slim wrist, so she wouldn't lose it by accident. Tasha was prone to such trouble after all, so took no chances yet again.

She made her way back to her rooms, somehow avoiding running into anyone, which suited her quiet well. Betina might grumble now but she could just look innocent of any wrong doings. Of course, she hoped she could get a good night sleep first, so the dark circles under Tasha eyes didn't alert her otherwise.