The best laid plans often go astray..
I am on a roller-coaster ride of elated highs and hellish lows that shows little sign of ending, as I have been for the past year and a half or so. As many of you know, I have two children - girls, one now 16, the other now 14.
Amanda is my 14 year old, and she is bright, with a sharp wit and a carefree spirit. She also has been diagnosed with severe depression - which has manifested in mood swings, grades that do not reflect her keen intellect, and self-harming. She's been on and off different medications - including a nasty reaction to Prozac - she's been hospitalized for short visits, she's been through Intensive Outpatient Programs, and just when I think we've turned a corner, the bottom falls out.
Last week, she told her guidance counselor she was having suicidal thoughts, which sparked another trip to the emergency room, and her ultimately being sent to a local behavioral health treatment center well-known for its works with teens. The doctors there are working to gain her trust and a rapport with her so she can finally come out of this dark abyss, and back into the light of those who love her so fiercely.
A few days ago, I was working in her room to prepare it for when she comes home, and I found a note - a note I read before I realized what it truly was, and it is something I will never be able to unsee or forget. My fervent hope is that I will never, ever read anything like it again.
AS for why I chose to write this here in this fashion, the more I type, the more grounded I feel, and the more I can take the steps to take care of myself, which I've been sorely neglecting. Hopefully my creative spark will return once she's home and settled into a new routine, but in the meantime please continue to keep us all in your thoughts, prayers, and general good vibes.
Andrea (Wyh's player)
